


Wake up!

by LonelySunflower



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Break Up, Don't worry, Happy Endings are my thing, Look I still don't know how to tag but you get it, Love, M/M, Romance, The last chapters are fluff and fluff only, adding angst as a tag because the ones who've read this know, missing each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24458449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelySunflower/pseuds/LonelySunflower
Summary: Robbe cannot let Sander worry about him so he just keeps making bad decisions"That’s when Robbe’s life started to change. That’s the moment he realized things had to and were going to change. He didn’t have the choice to say ‘no I don’t want this to happen’. He didn’t have that power. He couldn’t control it."
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 44
Kudos: 108





	1. What kind of love is this?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> This is a new work! This chapter is not very long only because it's the first one.  
> Also the number of chapters might change 🙃  
> Hope you'll enjoy❤

“Hi mister Izjermans, are you okay” Robbe doctor asked

“Well you have the results so… Am I okay?” He wanted to get this over with.

“I think we should sit down and talk a little.”

That’s when Robbe’s life started to change. That’s the moment he realized things had to and were going to change. He didn’t have the choice to say ‘no I don’t want this to happen’. He didn’t have that power. He couldn’t control it. Robbe had never been the kind of person to think he was invincible because life had been hard. But he had never thought that such a thing could happen to him. 

He starts to think that when you’re too happy things start to go wrong and he’d been living heaven on Earth for way too long.

In the middle of the day after figuring out what he was going to do with his life, Robbe called one of the few most important people in his life. “Hi mom!”

“Hey, how are you?” He doesn’t answer this question “What’s going on?” Something is definitely off with Robbe and she knows it?

“It’s…” He can’t say it at loud “Can I come live at yours for a little? Please I don’t want to talk about it”

“Of course! You know I love having you over. Come whenever you want? We’ll talk when you’re ready”

“I’ll probably come tomorrow night. Thank you”

\-----------------------------------------------------

This stress he felt. How would Robbe be able to tell Sander this. How do you tell someone who loves you that he’s going to lose you, forever? This was not human. It was not even fair.

Despite the will Robbe had to fight this thing, he knew it could go wrong anytime. There were no risks to be taken. He could not accept Sander going through this with him, he just couldn’t. One thing led to another and Robbe made his first mistake.

That night when Sander came home, he only found a serious Robbe sitting on the couch, his suitcase in the hallway.

\-----------------------------------------------------

“No, Robbe you don’t get to do that” Sander yelled “Why would you even do that? What have I done?” They’d been arguing for so long. But how was Sander supposed to let him go?

“I told you, it’s not about you. Don’t make it about you!”

“Yeah, you’re right, it’s not about me. It’s about us and I get a say there”

“This is only about me, Sander. Don’t make it harder than it already is!” he sighed god this was so hard. It was so hard hurting someone he loved so deeply. Saying things, he didn’t mean. “Sander, just listen, even if it’s negative, this cancer test made me realize that life was short and I think, I think I’m missing out on things by staying in a relationship with you. And when I’m old, I don’t want look at the past and regret the things I could’ve done if I hadn’t been with you.” 

There, Sander was hurt. He could see it in his eyes. Sander was sad, angry but he was also so confused. “So, that’s it. You’re leaving? Just like that? What about the promises we made, was this all a lie, something you invented or did I really matter to you?!” Now, tears were falling down his cheeks. Was he really leaving?

“This is hard for me as well Sander I love- “

“What? You love me?! What kind of love is this? ‘Oh, Sander I love you but I don’t want to see you because you’re just not interesting’ Fine, fine leave! Do the things you want to do without being bothered by me. I won’t be there.” With that he left the room and slammed their, now his, bedroom’s door.

“Sander!” God this was such a mess. Robbe wanted to scream. He wanted to yell how much he loved him; how hard this was. He just didn’t want to leave but somehow, he had to. Or he only made that up in his mind. Whatever, it was too late to change what he had done…

He was now walking through the streets with his bags and his suitcase. He was devastated, he’d just lost the love of his life. Searching for a hotel was horrible, every step he took, every… Everything. He came to the realization that life will never be the same. But it didn’t matter because he was going to die anyway.

It is midnight, he’s found a hotel. He gets in his room and, he lets it all out. He cries, he wants to scream at the world. He had never felt this kind of anger. He could only blame himself; he did this to himself. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

Sander just wants to call Robbe, apologize for what he said last night. He needs to do it, if he’s never going to see him again, he has to make it all right so he has no regrets. That’s what he does, he calls him:

On the other side of the phone, Robbe’s asking himself if he should answer. He’s debating with himself, but he has to admit it. Even if it’s hard for him, he has to let Sander speak too.

He answers.

“Robbe?” He makes a little sound to let Sander know he’s listening. Sander sighs and begins “Robbe, I’m sorry for yesterday, it was just a lot and I was angry and… I understand if you don’t want to be stuck with me.”

“Hey, Sander I wasn’t stuck, I don’t feel stuck. I just need to live on my own. I promise you, it is not about you”

Sander avoids what Robbe said, he doesn’t believe it “So, when are you going to take the stuff that’s still at the apartment?”  
“Well, I have to move… I’m going to stay at my mom’s until I find an apartment. So, maybe the day after tomorrow? Is it okay for you?” 

“Alright, I love y-. Bye” and the call ends. Was he going to have to lose all these habits? It’s funny how, when you’ve been in a relationship for so long; you nearly forget what the words you use mean. And when you lose the opportunity to share them, you realize how much you meant them.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Two days had passed and honestly Robbe was so stressed. Stressed he wasn’t going to control himself. Stressed because he had to see Sander and he probably was as sad as him. He was also stressed because it was the very last time in his life, he allowed himself to see him. After that day he’ll move to his mom’s but instead of searching for a new apartment as he had said well, more lied to Sander, he was going to live at the hospital, to get cured even if he was convinced it wasn’t going to work, to start his chemotherapy. See? This moment he had allowed himself to live was the very last normal moment of his life, it was actually one of the last moments of his life.

And it was unbearable. Robbe had accepted his destiny; he was okay with dying. The only thing that he disliked was the fact that when you die, you let everyone who’s ever loved you behind. And you have no power over who’s going to get hurt, who’s going to miss you, who’s going to miss you for a little while and who’s going to miss you forever. It was so random yet he knew, he knew his mom was going to get hurt, he knew that Jens was going to get hurt and he knew Sander would be completely lost without him. Because Robbe would be too. 

That’s why he didn’t want him to see everything that was ahead of him. He didn’t want to let Sander watch him die. He didn’t want Sander to think he was losing him a little more every day that passed by. By breaking up with him, Robbe could let a part of Sander’s mind believe that maybe, one day, they’ll be able to see each other again, hang out and talk about the old times.

He put his thoughts aside, opening the door, putting up a normal face. One that didn’t scream “I miss you” or “please just kiss me”. But he’d always struggled hiding his feelings to Sander.

As soon as he opens the door, his eyes meet Sander’s. Of course, he was waiting for him. He already wanted to get rid of everything that reminded him of Robbe. “Hey” There was this weird feeling. They didn’t know how to greet themselves, were they supposed to shake hands or maybe Robbe could just enter he apartment without really greeting Sander. Sander just pulled himself out of the way realizing he’s been staring at Robbe a little too long.

“I tried to gather a little bit of your stuff but there are things only you can decide to keep” Sander was now avoiding Robbe eyes.

Robbe wanted to make this less awkward so walking next to Sander he brushed one of his hands on his shoulder. “Thank you” he said with a smile.

Robbe realized what Sander was talking about when he saw all the pictures of them on his nightstand. His heart ached. All these colored memories were still painted in his mind. All the laughs printed there too. Of course, he was going to keep his photos, he would never want to forget about Sander. It was more than that, he could never forget about Sander.

\-----------------------------------------------------

He comes out of the room and finds him in the kitchen. The boy turns around and smiles a little. One of those smile you know you shouldn’t be giving someone but you do it anyway because you just can’t help it. “I’m gonna go”

Robbe starts walking, sadness growing in his throat. But before he knows it someone, Sander, is grabbing his arm “Hey, please don’t go like this. I’m making croques, just please stay for dinner. Just one last dinner” he begs. His voice cracks a little. Just the thought of this being their last meal together makes him sick. But he just has to think about what happens now. Minute by minute.

“Alright, I’ll stay a little” He said with a smile. It was a mistake; he knew it but he just wanted to steal every last moment he was given with this boy.

\-----------------------------------------------------

This is weird, they laugh, they talk but there’s no physical contact, sometimes they lose themselves in each other’s eyes but reality always catches them. And this terrifying silence just fills the room. The two boys’ eyes start to get watery. They know it’s time. How they wish this could never end. Oh, Robbe could shout, he was so frustrated. Tonight, only Robbe knew they were saying goodbye forever. And it was the most painful thing he’d ever felt.

Sander stands up “Come, I know you’ve got to go” He walks Robbe all the way to the door and stops there. He thinks for a little, he needs it. He can’t just say goodbye, he just- “Can I kiss you?” He looks away, he’s ashamed of how needy he’s become but right now he’s asking for the touch he’ll be craving for a very long time. Shame is not important.

Robbe’s eyes get wide open. He wants to kiss me? Still? He asks himself. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Sander doesn’t reply, he just leans in and gives Robbe the most passionate kiss they’ve ever shared. It’s slow and gentle, it’s not too intense because they both are holding back. 

Sander just explodes on the inside. Focus, appreciate it, it’s the last one. Why does he feel like the intensity of the love he’s giving to Robbe is reciprocated? They kiss for so long their lips are flushed and they’re out of breath, they never want it to end but Robbe cuffs. He’s suffocating. So, cancer is taking this moment away from me too, he thinks. His lungs were already affected. And without a word he just opens the door, looks one last time at Sander and walks away.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Robbe arrives at his mom’s at midnight. She was waiting for him; she was worried about her son. As soon as she sees him, she practically runs to hug him. Robbe hugs her back. Once again, he can’t hide his feelings in front of her, he starts to cry and she does not ask why. That’s what he likes the most about her, she so patient. She wants answer but she knows some things are harder to accept than others. 

She caresses his back until he calms down.

\-----------------------------------------------------

When he opens his bedroom’s door, Robbe rediscovers his old belongings. His teenage belongings and that includes Sander’s drawings framed on almost every inch of the walls. He’s alone but Sander’s presence is everywhere, he can’t avoid it. He simply can’t.


	2. I’d give you my life if I could

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robbe makes new friends at the hospital but life is not that simple.
> 
> He still misses Sander and he cannot do anything about it.
> 
> Sander feels so lonely, he says yes to everything, even the worst ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm going to say it now,   
> BE CAREFUL READING THIS CHAPTER
> 
> I'll make a trigger warning appear, listen to yourself first, the story is less important❤  
> I tried to write it as fast as I could because I couldn't leave you all with this stress!
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos you've already left!  
> LOVE YOU ALL❤

This morning, Robbe doesn’t feel like waking up but he does anyway. He has to talk to his mom. She seemed worried and he also needs to talk. He needs to admit that this is all happening. He needs to tell himself that this is not a weird nightmare, this is the real life.

“Hi Robbe!” Marie is surprised. She didn’t expect him to wake up this early. 

“Hey mom” he eats breakfast with her. “Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m ready to talk.”

“Whenever you’re ready”

He takes a deep breath and begins “I’m sick, I have cancer.” Water starts to fill Marie’s eyes. “Please don’t cry, I’m okay with it. It’s not death or cancer that made me cry-”

“Hey! Who told you, you were going to die?” She protests

“No one, I just feel like I won’t. And because of that, I broke up with Sander.”

“What?! Robbe you can’t do that! You can’t do that to him and you also cannot do that to yourself.”

“Mom you don’t have a say in this. I don’t want him to worry about me, I don’t want him to see me like that. I don’t want him to see me sick. I’ll annoy him at some point. He already has a lot to care about, I don’t want to be another thing he has to deal with. This is about my life ending this is about him suffering because I’ll die.”

“Robbe everyone dies someday, you can’t stay alone your whole life just because you’re afraid you’re going to hurt people. It doesn’t work like that! Can you even imagine what pain Sander is in right now?”

“I can, believe me” With that he walked away and went back upstairs, leaving his mom worried and speechless.

\-----------------------------------------------------

He heard the door open a little and turned around, making his back face the door. Marie sad at the edge of his bed “Robbe… Please don’t be angry. I just didn’t think about the pain you must feel. I’m here, we still have some time to spend together. Don’t push me away. I won’t say anything to anyone. I won’t bring up things you don’t want to talk about, if this is how you want to live what you believe are your last moments then I’m okay with it.”

He turned around and hugged her for what felt like hours. He loved his mom; he loved the affection she was giving him but it was still painful because she wasn’t the one Robbe wanted to hug. He wanted to smell someone else’s sent; to feel the shape of someone else’s body. He wanted his back to be patted and caressed by other hands than hers. He just wanted the one he loved

He spent his last week of “liberty” with his mom. No one else. They went shopping, shared unforgettable moments; even if there was a part of melancholy in every one of their laughs, they just appreciated being together. By the end of the week, Marie hadn’t accepted the fact that he wasn’t talking to Sander anymore but she wasn’t able to change anything. It was her son’s life after all, not hers.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Robbe hasn’t talked to anyone outside of the hospital for a very long time. He’d found a way to avoid his friends and Jens. If you asked where Robbe was, everybody would answer that he’s on vacation and he’s very happy.

This is kind of an ironic vacation. Robbe has only one friend. She’s called Emma. At the clinic, they call them the bold heads. She’s so funny and sarcastic. She reminds Robbe of Sander. Even if it makes him miss Sander more, it always feels great to find a little part of him in someone. 

Robbe sees Sander everywhere. In the hospital beds they’ve shared when Sander’s bad episodes were too intense, he sees him in his phone since he couldn’t bring himself to delete all of their pictures, he sees him in Emma’s white hair, in the photo he has on his nightstand. He sees him everywhere and it’s annoying but he can’t seem to let him go. He’s the only thing keeping alive at the moment.

Some nights, Robbe has nightmares. Nightmares of Sander being alone. Nightmares of Sander finding him and running away seeing how exhausted, almost dead, Robbe looks. He was right, your thoughts never stop. Not even when you’re sleeping and Robbe’s thoughts are all related to Sander. He had never imagined how much he could miss him. Now he knows what it feels like, missing someone so much you feel like the world is insipid and meaningless.

Robbe had no reason to live at this point. His life wasn’t only about Sander but now, a lot of things seemed to matter less than before.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Robbe and Emma were hanging out on a couch in the “common room”? Robbe hated that name. The only thing people had in common here was their disease. Emma was tangled in Robbe’s arms. They had this big brother and sister friendship. They shared a lot of things. They were just two souls that had waited to meet each other for a long time and that finally connected.

“Robbe?”

“Yes”

“Do you think I’m going to survive?” Emma wanted to live so much. Robbe wanted her to live so much. She had that kind of joyful soul that wanted to look at the world with her own eyes. All of the world.

“Of course, I’d give you my life if I could. But I don’t think it would help you that much” He said 

\-----------------------------------------------------

It’s been four months since Robbe has started the chemotherapy. It’s been four months since he has kissed Sander, for the last time. He still misses him.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Eight months and he still misses him. Robbe’s tired, he wants to give up, he’ll die anyway. Emma is starting to hive up too. She’s losing hope. Robbe tries to tell her that it’ll be okay but it’s hard to lie to her. He’s so sad. He can’t let her go. It makes him suffer so much seeing her lose strength like this. She wanted to fight, she wanted to live, to learn; to discover things. But only a miracle could bring back her old hopeful self. By now, Robbe was sure about it, miracles don’t exist.

Today he has tests. Not the kind of tests you do at school, no that’s much more boring. People just analyze your blood. This is always the same thing; he does the tests and people tell him he is still sick as if he didn’t already know it. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

“Hey Robbe, come in” The doctor looks happy Robbe thought “So, I have some good news”

“I can see it! you look happy. What happened?”

“Robbe this is about you. You’re not sick anymore” Had Robbe misunderstood this? No, it couldn’t be true. Life was not this cruel, was it?

“WHAT?! Now I’m cured?” Robbe is so angry. No, not now. Not now that Emma is practically dying, now that he’s given up his entire life, his future.

“Robbe why aren’t you happy, this is amazing!”

“NO, IT’S NOT! I was supposed to die. I gave up my life and now you’re giving it back to me. Now that the only things that really mattered to me are gone. What am I going to do with my life?” 

“Robbe! You have time to figure this out, look you’re alive and healthy. This is a privilege, make the best of it”

“I can’t” That afternoon, Robbe stayed in his “room”, even Emma couldn’t come in.

\-----------------------------------------------------

The next morning, he woke up knowing this was his last day at the hospital. He had to tell this to Emma. He knows she’s going to get jealous. Not because she’s a bad person. Not because she won’t be happy for Robbe. Only because when you’re dying, you’d like to be told that you’re going to survive, for real. And Robbe completely understands this. He’s just scared this is going to ruin their friendship.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Sitting in front of her he feels this guilt growing inside him. She looks up with a shy smile. She must’ve asked herself why Robbe didn’t want to talk to her. 

“It has nothing to do with you…”

“Then what is it Robbe? You can’t just stop talking to me for no reason, one of us could’ve passed away last night!” She was on edge. This was not a normal behavior.

“I’m healed.

“Good for you” That’s what he feared. She suddenly became so cold

Emma, what’s going on?”

“What’s going on is that this fucking cancer is killing me and no one can do anything about it! The doctors are giving up! So now, before you stop talking to me, think a little about what could happen! Anything could happen in a minute, in a second! All of a sudden I could die…” She was now crying. Robbe quickly stood up and gave her a hug. One that she reciprocated. She wasn’t angry at Robbe. She was angry at the world and to be honest, Robbe was too. Robbe who wanted to give her his life was going to survive when she was not. This is so unfair. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

Sander thought he could survive this break up but… he just didn’t have enough strength. He has stopped working. Now he’s living with his little sister, Chloe.

His room was covered with drawings of Robbe. Sander was scared he was going to forget every little detail he liked about Robbe’s face. Details like the little lines that appeared around his mouth when he smiled or the way his eyes looked at him like he was the only thing that mattered in this world.

“Hey do you want to go to a party with me on Friday? Maybe it could help you…” Chloe didn’t really know how to act. He’d been depressed for 8 months. She couldn’t let him drown in his sadness like this. This was so painful to watch. Chloe loved Robbe but what he’d done to her brother was horrible

“Maybe I’ll give it a try.” His voice was weak. He didn’t talk much. He also cried a lot. Sander’s days felt like years and after a while the years began to feel like they never ended and time started to become an illusion. He could spend weeks in his room. Living in the dark, all day, every day. And when you don’t see the light of the sun, you don’t know when it’s the day or the night. Sander had given up the light. One day he had announced that only Robbe could bring life in his life.

Sander was trying to give him space but by doing that, he was suffocating himself and his feeling for Robbe. Only allowing himself to feel the bad ones.

\-----------------------------------------------------

That Friday night, at the party, Chloe introduces David to Sander. They flirt and before the end of the night, they kiss. Sander knows he shouldn’t be doing this but he’s lonely and David didn’t look like a bad person. 

They meet several times after that party, they make out at Sander’s place and David wants do go further with him but he can’t, he doesn’t feel like it. David doesn’t really react even if Sander can see that he’s a little annoyed

\-----------------------------------------------------

Today, Robbe is going to see Emma. She’s still at the hospital but the both of them know this isn’t going to last for long. She’s glad Robbe didn’t forget about her. To be honest, Emma is one of the rare people that can make him smile these days. His mom was so happy he was okay now but he wasn’t, he couldn’t find happiness in this situation.

Robbe enters the room “Hi! How are you doing?” 

She doesn’t answer, she only smiles and grabs Robbe’s hand. “Robbe I love you, thank you for coming. I was waiting for you.”

“Emma what are you saying?”

“I’m saying it’s time for me. Please don’t call anyone, you know it, you know it’s time. Just please, I want to spend my last moments with you.”

“No! No, I love you, don’t do this. Stop talking, I’ll go get someone!” but before he’s able to move, she tightens the grip she has on Robbe’s hand and smiles. This smile translated as “I’m just happy you’re here, I’m at peace. Don’t worry”. A tear escaped her eye and Robbe knew he had to give up. He hugged her, he cried in her chest until he couldn’t her heartbeat anymore. She was gone, everything was gone. Her joy was gone. Robbe realized that in her last moments she had lost faith in life. Being able to go like this. Robbe had seen it coming but as humans, we always underestimate the pain a loss can put us through.

That day, when Robbe got back home he once again hugged his mom and cried. His head resting on one of her shoulders. His life was now just sad and depressive. He was tired of all of this. He wanted to see the people he loved and he was only holding one of them.

\-----------------------------------------------------

(TRIGGER WARNING read this carefully)

David has invited Sander to a party he was throwing and of course Sander had agreed. He wanted to make both his sister and David happy. He was his boyfriend now. Sander didn’t want to make this official but David said that if he wasn’t his boyfriend then he wasn’t going to be anything at all for Sander.

So, he became his boyfriend, when Sander was talking to his friends, the boy came and started shouting about how he couldn’t trust Sander. When Sander didn’t reply one of his texts, the boy shouted about how Sander was just someone that didn’t matter to anyone so he should reply to his text because David apparently was the only one giving him attention. 

One night, tonight, it got too far.

Sander still didn’t want to do anything sexual with David. But the boy never stopped asking, never stopped blaming Sander for not giving him what he wanted. David thought that, if Sander wasn’t going to give him what he wanted then he should take it himself. Sander saw it coming but he had become co-dependent, he wasn’t worth anything in his head. 

He only realizes what’s happening when he felt himself be brutally pushed against a wall. He feels a hand on his mouth to muffle his protest. He feels stuck under a body he doesn’t want feel stuck under. He realizes this is far from love. He realizes that, since Robbe left him he hasn’t felt anything real. It was as if his heart had disappeared. He needs to escape and maybe someone is watching him from above because the door opens and two teenagers enter the room. Steeling the privacy “they” had. 

Sander walks away. No, he runs away. He doesn’t know where he’s going but everywhere feels safer than with David so he doesn’t think about where he’s going, he just walks. He walks for a long time.

\-----------------------------------------------------

It’s way later than midnight and Sander is in a bar. He’s drinking. He is drunk, he’s a mess. The only thing he wants to do right now is to cry, he wants to feel loved and safe, to wash himself. He remembers Robbe used to do that for him, he washed him when he wasn’t feeling well, he let him cry he made him feel safe and loved. He misses him like crazy. He misses him so much he can’t even put it into words.

His mind can’t control anything right now so he pulls out his phone and searches for “Robbe”

Robbe:

I miss ya  
Why did you leave? Come back.   
Pretty sure you’re happy with someone else while I’m depressed  
Pretty sure you don’t even remember who I am because I meant nothing to you  
Whatever, I don’t mean anything to anyone

\-----------------------------------------------------

Robbe is also walking through the streets. He needs some fresh air. He sees Sander everywhere. He’s tried forgetting him for so long. Why can’t he forget about him? He must be happy by now. Robbe is not happy. 

His eyes stop on an ice cream van and it reminds him of Sander’s favorite ice cream flavor.

His glances catch a bat in the sky and it reminds him of the time Sander told him he didn’t like batman.

He looks everywhere and everywhere, he sees a memory, he sees his face, he looks at his smile, he listens to his voice but he can’t touch him. He starting to forget how Sander’s lips feel on his. He forgets how flowers were blooming in his stomach every time Sander pulled his hair while kissing him. Hair Robbe had to give up too. He’d give up so much. His friends, his lover. Emma had given up on him.

How are you supposed to tell someone “I had cancer so I left you and now I’m healed and I want you back” Who does that? You can’t do that. You can’t just push someone away and be the one to decide to get them back?

He pulls his phone out of his pocket

Jens: 

Man, we need to talk

His phone starts ringing right away

“Hi! You’re back from vacation?”

Robbe didn’t want to lie anymore he was already at the verge of crying “Jens, I never was. I was at the hospital the whole time because I was sick”

“Robbe. How sick?”

“I had cancer. But now I’m okay, at least physically”

Jens sighs “Why didn’t you tell me, I’m sure you told Sander, you know you could’ve trusted me too”

“I broke up with him the moment I knew” The phone call was now silent

“You did what-”

“Jens I don’t want to talk about this now? What I need is a friend. Can I come over?”

“Please do, Robbe you know you can always count on me” 

The call ends but Robbe receives another message and another, and another. It’s probably Jens he thinks but he still checks his phone. This is not Jens

Messages from Sander:

I miss ya  
Why did you leave? Come back.   
Pretty sure you’re happy with someone else while I’m depressed  
Pretty sure you don’t even remember who I am because I meant nothing to you  
Whatever, I don’t mean anything to anyone

Sander sounds so sad and drunk. Robbe wants to see Jens as soon as possible. He needs his best friend. He walks so fast, He keeps accelerating. He’s lost in his thoughts; he starts walking across a road but doesn’t make it to the other side.

Robbe feels a lot of pain, everything is black. What happened?


	3. answer it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi loves!❤  
> First of all, I want to apologize this took so long  
> Personal stuff got in the way and I couldn't bring myself to do this mentally.  
> But now it's all good  
> Hope you'll enjoy🤍

This morning, Sander wakes up in his bed. How did that happen? Who brought him back home? 

He immediately turns around, checking if someone’s by his side. Who knows, it could be Robbe?

Robbe, god Robbe!

He searches for his phone but he can’t find it. He comes back to reality. Sander cannot quite remember what he’s sent him last night. He only remembers looking for his name.

“Are you searching for this?”

He feels chills running through his body. Terror invades him. He’s horrified. Two minutes ago, he was scarred but it wasn’t the kind of scare he was now experiencing. He didn’t think something like this could happen.

He instantly stands up. Glimpses of what happened last night take place in his mind. “Don’t you come near me!” He’s shaking. Why? Just why him? He certainly didn’t wish this to anyone but just, why him? 

“Why not, love?”

“No.” His breath caught in his throat.

“No, what? Look at you, you can’t even protest”

‘Remember who you are, remember that in the past you had control over your life, you had control over things’ Sander tells himself over and over again. “I can. You don’t ever touch me or call me love again. Because I promise, I’ll kill you.”

David laughed a little, he was amused by the situation. Did Sander really believe he could scare him?

“Oh, you want to laugh David?” 

He had hidden a knife under his pillow a while ago. Too afraid that, one of these days, David was going to punch, abuse or kill him. Sander didn’t want to admit it to himself at the time but his unconscious knew this could happen. 

“Let’s laugh together then” he took a step forward “Don’t you want to laugh with me?” another one “You know, like you did yesterday” a last one “Remember? When you tried to abuse me? Or maybe not? Do YOU remember? Because I do. So, now, get out of my here!” 

David tried to reply but was forced to leave because Sander kept threatening him. Once David had left, Sander let the air that had been stuck in his lungs for so long come out. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

Sander is in his sister’s arms. He hasn’t talked to her yet; she knows he’s not doing great. She doesn’t want to obligate him to talk about what is bothering him, she just wants him to know that she’s here. The more she does this, the more he thinks about Robbe. Robbe telling him ‘I’ll never let you go’. Tears escape his eyes. 

In some way, Robbe hadn’t lied, he didn’t let Sander leave. He left. Without giving any concrete explanation. Sander had always had that wonder in the back of his mind that maybe Robbe left because he’d found someone else, someone he didn’t have to care about as much as he had to care about Sander. 

“Sander, stop crying. Breathe. Please breathe” Chloe said. She was not really talking she was ordering Sander to do it. 

Sometimes, when he got lost in his mind, he stopped everything beside his thoughts. He was probably trying to find a way to make them go but, even when the body didn’t work anymore, the thoughts stayed and continued invading Sander’s mind.

“I- “

“Sander stop talking just focus on your breathing” She said calmly.

\-----------------------------------------------------

He hears the door swing open. “It’s me, don’t worry.” She seats next to him. “Why are you so…closed? Why do you instantly freeze every time someone enters you room? Sander, I now you don’t want to answer these questions but I need to know why you can’t see David because he’s been calling me, saying you were crazy and dangerous.”

“Do you believe him?” Sander asks worried, he can’t look at her, he doesn’t want to show her his teary eyes.

“Hey, you’re my brother, I’ll always believe you instead of other people okay? Never doubt that.”

Sander turns around to look at her and waits a little to speak up “He tried to… he wanted to have sex and I didn’t.” He exhaled “This morning when I woke up, he was here, making fun of me and telling me how miserable I am.”

“Sander…” Honestly, she didn’t know what to do but to hug him. Sander was her big brother but she had always had that kind of mother instinct, she needed to make sur he was safe, she needed to protect him.

She kissed his forehead “I can’t promise you everything is going to be alright but I can assure you I won’t ever leave you.”

‘Just like Robbe’ Sander thought sarcastically to hide his pain. His life had never been better than with him by his side. He just can’t be mad at him for leaving. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

Robbe wakes up. Where is he? Why can’t he open his eyes, he knows he’s alive, he can feel it. Or is it what heaven feels like?

He can’t move, he can’t stand up, he can’t lift his arms. It’s just his soul, trapped in his body. Some parts hurt, his arm, his both legs, his neck. Only one-part aches, his heart. He is very dizzy but he remembers last night, well, only the early part of last night. He remembers receiving Sander’s message but after that, everything is a blur. Is that why he can’t move? Or is it something else.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Sander receives another one of the many phone calls he got today. This time, he answers it, he’s tired of hearing his phone ring like that. “Hi! Who is this?”

“Mr. Driesen?”

“Yes”

“Well, we’ve seen that you’re Robbe IJzermans emergency call”

“Emergency call? Who are you?”

“This is the hospital, Robbe is at the hospital, you’re his emergency call so we called you in case you wanted to see how he was doing”

Sander truly doesn’t know what to think. What to do. How to act. Robbe, he desperately wants to see him but- Does Robbe want to see him? After all, he’s the one who left. “Sorry, what happened to him?”

“Could you seat down please?” What happened?! “Okay so, Robbe had an accident, apparently he was looking at his phone and a car hit him. I’m sorry but if you want to know more, you’ve got to come to, the hospital”

He sighs “Thank you, will do.”

\-----------------------------------------------------

A day has passed. Sander is still thinking. Thinking about what he should or shouldn’t do. What would Robbe want him to do? Robbe. Yesterday, when Sander heard his name, he went crazy. He had held onto it for so long. Some days, Sander just thought about him. He thought about him to make the present more bearable.

Because, even when it hurt to think about Robbe, he was his comfort memory. The one that made living a little easier. He needs to make a decision. What would Robbe do if he saw see him? 

What would his reaction be? Sander isn’t really able to answer that question since he doesn’t know everything, every little part of the months they’ve spent apart from each other. 

‘SCREW THIS’ Sander thinks. ‘I’m definitely going to see him, I can’t let him alone in this hospital room, I don’t even know what happened. He’ll tell me, only if he wants to talk to me though.’ This was the question he had asked himself the most. Is Robbe going to talk to him?

He needed an answer.

Sander stands up, gets out of his room and goes to the entry to grab his jacket.

“What are you doing? You haven’t gone out for a week and you suddenly decide to go out?”

Sander doesn’t have time for this but she’s his sister after all. “I- Robbe is at the hospital and they called me. He’s alone. Nobody knows but me, I can’t leave him like this, with no one.”

“Sander, he did it. He let you all alone and-”

“Chloe it’s just not the same, he’s probably injured and I need to make sure he’s okay!”

“Your heart was injured too, your life was not the same after he left, why would you-”

“Once again, I still love him, my feelings for him are telling me to make sure he’s okay and I will do it. Even if you don’t like it. Even if he doesn’t want to see me, I feel the need to do this. You’ve always told me that I should follow my heart. Let me do it then.” Sander is nearly mad at her. She can’t decide for him, she can’t make him feel like this is a bad decision when she’s always told him that what our heart truly wants is what was right for us, nothing else.

“Okay, I understand but, Sander, please be safe” Chloe said putting a hand on Sander’s shoulder. She was so worried about him, what if seeing Robbe is not the right thing to do? What if, when Sander comes back home, he completely forgets about himself, once again? But she has to allow him to do this, he has to check on him, she can see it in his eyes. He needs it, he wants it, he craves for it. And she cannot bring herself to give him a disapproval.

“I will” And with that, he puts his jacket on and walks out of the room.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Sander likes taking long walks, it’s better for the environment and he likes thinking about things while walking.

“How could Robbe’s love for me disappear like that. If we think about it, nothing ever stops or end just like this. Some people say that the only thing that ends here on Earth is life but, life doesn’t really end. When you think about the theory that every time someone dies, someone gives birth then, maybe it’s not life ending but life transferring to another body. So, how could love stop. Maybe the love Robbe felt for the old Sander had never ended but of course, I am not the same anymore. I thought we’d grown together, not apart.”

He suddenly gets out of his thoughts when he realizes he’s in front of the hospital ‘You can do it, you will’ he encourages himself? The truth is, he’s never been that anxious, he doesn’t even know how Robbe’s doing.

He arrives at the counter “Hi”

“Hi” The woman looks at him weirdly. She’s waiting for a response.

When Sander realizes this, he laughs nervously “Uhm…I’m here to see Robbe IJzermans, someone told me you’d let me know how he’s doing once I’m here, so here I am. My name is Sander Driesen, I’m his emergency call.”

“Oh. Robbe.” Why is she so quiet? Something is wrong “He is in a coma”

“Excuse me?” No this can’t be true, he’s not. “Stop joking! tell me please” Sander laughs in denial but after a moment he sees that she’s not laughing. He can’t do this, no this is not real, this is not happening. “In which room is he?”

“Room 21, I’m so sorry” She says, she feels so bad for him.

\-----------------------------------------------------

He opens the door and feels something weird rise up from his heart to his eyes, sadness. He can’t see him like this, with all these wounds. He misses him, even if they’re in the same room, he can’t look at him. Sander’s legs just give up, he falls to the ground and breaks down, he can’t handle it. Robbe seems peaceful, if he hadn’t known maybe Sander would’ve thought he was asleep. But he knew. He didn’t know how long it was going to take him to wake up. 

As he keeps thinking about all of this, many, probably millions of tears fall out of his eyes. Tears he only felt comfortable to share with Robbe. He tries to seat down on the chair next to the bed Robbe’s in. He just watches him while crying, asking the universe, this time, “why Robbe, just why him”

His mom needs to know too but right now he just can’t. Everything he has and wants to do is stay here with Robbe. At least his body.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Robbe, still trapped in his mind when he hears the door. Someone enters. Enters what? The kitchen? The office? The bedroom?

“Could someone just please take off this blindfold?” It’s the first time he uses his voice there. It echoes. He concludes; words are not going out. Sounds just bounce on the walls, if there even are walls.

Someone is here, Robbe can breathe a well-known smell. He then hears well- known sobs and recognizes this angelic, yet so tortured voice. “What is he doing here?” Still, no answer. He wants to hug him and tell him he’s okay. He also wants to ask so many questions like ‘Where am I?’ and ‘What is happening but he can’t. How he wishes he could, he has so much things to tell him. After all, if Sander showed up, it’s because he cares about Robbe. 

He hopes so, because he does.

After a little moment, he hears the boy sit on something close to him. He would love to see his green eyes, even with tears escaping from them.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Two hours have passed, Sander needed this time to calm down and figure out what he was going to do next. He needs to see Robbe’s mom, so he’s going there.

He stands up, Robbe would like to grab his arm and ask him to stay or simply make him promise he’ll come back but as he tries to move, nothing happens, his body doesn’t move anymore. Robbe tries to listen to everything that surrounds him. 

“Come on Robbe, you can do it” He tells himself. Sander opens the door and he can finally figure out where he is. “The hospital, that’s why Sander was devastated. Wait. What am I doing here?!”

\-----------------------------------------------------

When Sander arrives at Marie’s he’s greeted with a big hug “Here you are, I was so scared-” She stops “Wait you’re not Robbe. Sander?” Of course, she recognized the leather jacket. “What are you doing here?”

“Marie it’s, it’s about Robbe.”

“I knew it he was with you!”

“No, he wasn’t with me. He’s at the hospital, he is in a coma. I’m still his emergency call so they called me instead of you”

“Sander are you serious?” He doesn’t reply, what is there to say? He only gives her a pained smile “My little boy” She starts crying and Sander can’t help but put her in his arms. They share a tight hug. He needs some love too and the touch of another human being almost feeling the same pain as him is something he really needs. 

“Can you stay here tonight? I really don’t want to be alone and I’ve missed you.”

“Don’t worry, I just need to tell my sister and it’s all good” She smiles a little at Sander’s answer. 

“I’m going to make Robbe’s bed so you can sleep in it.”

Sander just thinks about the fact that some years ago, it was their bed. They shared everything; Sander’s old bed had once been theirs too. He missed sharing all of himself with him. He just missed having him. So tonight, being so close to Robbe, sleeping in his own bed could help Sander to sleep. Because lately, it’s been the hardest thing. He has been having nightmares about that night with David and he just never falls back asleep.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Sander and Marie have eaten. He’s upstairs, opening Robbe’s bedroom door for the first time in what feels like eternity. As he takes a step forward, he looks at everything. Nothing has changed. The drawing s=Sander had made were still framed on the walls and there were pictures of them everywhere. Everywhere, as if Robbe had been looking at them for weeks. Even the not so old ones.

The room smelled like his perfume. Sander missed this, once again, he missed everything. Once he’s lying in the bed, staring at the ceiling, he remembers all the kisses they’ve shared here. The endless and loving nights they’ve spent here. He remembered this moment when he felt like nothing could ever break them apart because their bond was so strong, little did he know…

He decides to call Noor. “Hi! Sander, how are you?”

He sniffles “Not so good to be honest. Robbe left me and now he’s in a coma and I can’t do anything about it. What if he di-”

“No, you don’t get to say this, he’s not going to die. He’s going to be fine and everything is going to be okay?”

“Okay, I don’t know how to tell everyone…”

“Don’t. Listen sander, some people still believe he’s on vacations when we all know he had cancer-”

“He had what?”

“Oh god, why did I say this…”

“Noor be honest, was he really sick?”

“Yes, he told Jens a month ago and he told me.”

“Of course, so he gossips everything to you but not to the man who loves him.”

“Sander…”

“Wait, is this why he broke up with me? Or was it my fault.”

“He-”

“Noor this is just a damn question answer it by yes or no!”

“Yes. He broke up with you because apparently, he didn’t want you to see him die. So he broke your heart.” He hung up “Sander?”

This explained so much, why he was reciprocating the kiss. Why he said these horrible words, the ones he knew would hurt Sander. But he can’t forgive him just like this, this is not okay. Even if now, his mind is a little bit clearer, there are so much things that need to be answered.

Tomorrow, he’ll go see him with Marie. He doesn’t know how he’s going to react but going back there, knowing Robbe probably still had feeling for him when he got hit by this car was going to be difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel?  
> Please don't tell me you want to kill me...  
> Still hope you enjoyed🤗
> 
> Love you❤Stay safe
> 
> you can find me on Tumblr @ironymane


	4. GIVE ME A SIGN!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> The chapter's finally here!  
> Again, I'm so sorry it took me a while but I still have some stuff to deal with.  
> Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this with you!❤ Thank you for reading and thank you for staying even if there's a lot of angst☺  
> I love you all so much!  
> This chapter is a little longer than usual!  
> Enjoy❤  
> Also, everything written in italics is a flashback and/or messages❤

4am

His thoughts are going wild. He’s so confused, he wants to know the truth. What if Robbe left him because he couldn’t deal with both Sander and cancer at the same time? What if everything was his fault? He can feel himself completely drown in his thoughts but he doesn’t care anymore. He doesn’t care because he always ruins everything. Everyone he’s ever loved either left because they couldn’t handle him anymore or said horrible things about him 24/7. It’s always been his fault.

Maybe they were right. Maybe Sander was just annoying and unlovable. Maybe he was, indeed, too much and the teenager Robbe was just delusional. Maybe he was blinded by Sander’s outside appearance and personality. And when he realized he was in a relationship with such a mess, he decided to leave. Sander was the only one who caused this pain, he did this to himself. He couldn’t blame Robbe’s cancer, their breakup had nothing to do with this; it was all about him. All his fault.

He can’t take it anymore, he needs to ask Robbe or he just needs to run away, close himself up, never love again, never interact with people ever again. So, the only person who’s going to hate him, the one Sander’s going to annoy will only be Sander, himself.

Yes! He needs to do this, go away, leave everyone, stop bothering people. He can go now that he knows Robbe will be safe with his mom. She’s going to take good care of him and even if he dies.

No. Don’t say this. Even if Robbe leaves for a better place, he’ll leave surrounded by the ones he truly loves, his friends and his mom. Sander won’t be there to ruin it all.

He lifts his bag off of the ground and prepares himself to leave, this is a good decision. No one will ever be hurt again because of him.

He needs to tell this to Chloe. He takes his phone and types a message he’ll probably send when he’s found a place to stay, far away from here, from everyone.

_To Chloe:_

_I’m not coming home lil’sis, don’t worry, this is a good decision._

He puts his phone back in his pocket and starts walking in the front door’s direction. He feels a hand on his torso. “Hey! What are you doing? Let me go!”

“Sander, don’t worry it’s me, Marie”

“Sorry” He looks at the ground? How is he going to escape now that she’s here?

“What are you doing?”

He hates lying, he especially hates lying to her “I- Uhm… I’m just going for a little walk.”

“Really?” Does she know? “At this hour?”

“Yeah” It’s brief, he doesn’t have an explanation.

“Then what’s this?”

“Oh! This?” God you’re so dumb Sander “It’s in case it rains and I need to change”

“Is that true?” She looks so tired, she’s not in the mood for an argument but she can’t let him go. Not like this, not now.

“Stop asking questions!” He starts walking away but no, he stops and turns around “Why do you care? No one wants me here, I just keep annoying people, I make everyone’s lives harder. Just let me go!”

“Sander, why are you saying this, you definitely matter to me, you matter to Robbe too-”

“Oh! Is that true though? Because Noor told me he was sick. And I’m pretty sure he left me because he couldn’t and didn’t want to deal with me anymore. So, Marie, do you really think you’re saying the truth?”

“Sander” She takes a step forward “Please stay here, it’s not my place to talk about my son’s feelings but I’m pretty sure he’ll be happy to see you once he wakes up” she’s smiling.

“IF he wakes up” Sander cannot hold this back, there’s this huge stress, this big possibility that maybe Robbe will never wake up, maybe he’ll be asleep forever. This is just too much for Sander. He sure can try to live without him, but he cannot live without him in this world.

“Don’t say that. Okay?” Sander doesn’t say anything, he only opens his arms and hugs her. They move to the couch where Sander cries until he has no tears left. Maybe, after some time, he falls asleep and Robbe’s mom leaves the room. But before that, she probably leaves a kiss on his forehead, that reminds her of when she did this with her 4 years old Robbe.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Robbe. He can’t fall asleep. It’s like he’s already in this endless nightmare. On the surface, for others he might look like he’s sleeping but no he hears everything. Sometimes he can guess what’s happening.

“Robbe” What’s this voice, it reminds him of someone but he can’t quite put a name on it. He’s curious, he follows the sound of this voice. “Robbe” He’s stuck in his own mind; nothing would hurt him here. “Robbe, please come.”

“Who are you?”

“You know me. Just approach, I can’t move” Robbe almost runs, he searches everywhere but he can’t find anything or anyone.

“Why can’t you move? I can’t find you!” Robbe’s anxious right now. What is this thing calling him?

“I’m right here, just look a little closer in your heart. I can’t move because I’m not from the real world anymore.”

Robbe focuses again, with his eyes. The only thing he needs to use to see her is his heart, he has to understand it. “E-Emma?” Robbe sees something that looks like her appearing, no it can’t be her, she’s gone.

“Robbe! You found me!”

Robbe blinks several times before realizing this isn’t a hallucination “What are you doing here? Am I- Am I dead?” Why is he so chill while asking that question?

“No, no you’re not dead, I’m here to help you. I’m here to fight your demons with you. You know it, you don’t want to go back to your old life. Both of us know that you’ve had time to think and that you think this, death, coma, anything is better than life. I’m here to make you understand that you’re wrong.”

“You are wrong, Emma; I have nothing to do on Earth.” He says hugging himself as if he was searching for some kind of comfort.

She knows he needs a hug “You matter to more people than you think” She says finally giving him a warm hug. He missed her hugs. Robbe missed Emma so much.

\-----------------------------------------------------

It’s still dawn when Marie and Sander hop in the car. She wants to see Robbe so badly. She also wants Sander to see Robbe. He needs to remember why he came to the hospital in the first place. He needs to remember that he loves Robbe.

\-----------------------------------------------------

When they enter the room, Robbe is still “asleep”. They need to talk to the doctor in charge of him today, the two of them are stressed but it’s going to be alright. Right?

His eyes find Robbe, still lying on this bed, in this room. His jaw clenched. Robbe was not here, he was not in this room. His joy wasn’t covering every wall in this, his laugh wasn’t echoing in every corner, his eyes weren’t looking at Sander’s.

Sander feels the need to grab his hand. He does so, he takes Robbe’s hand in his to try to feel his warmth. To make sure he’s still here, in this body that doesn’t look like his anymore.

He suddenly jumps, hearing Marie’s voice “He’ll come back” she says patting his shoulder.

\-----------------------------------------------------

“How are you?” doctor Fontaine already knows the answer, he’s said this so many times.

“We’re going to be okay, how’s my son doing?” She doesn’t really care about herself right now, she wants to know if Robbe is going to be alright.

“He’s okay but we don’t really know how long it’s going to take for him to wake up. It’s random, sometimes the patients wake up after a week or two but some others wake up after a lot more time, or worse…” He hesitates, it’s always hard to hear, especially for a mother. He’s always thought this was the worst part of his job, you know, sometimes, people pick up their phone and life is just never the same.

“They never wake up” Sander finishes the doctor’s sentence. He nods, agreeing with Sander. Looking in Marie’s eyes with a sad smile.

“Don’t worry, we are going to do everything we can to make him come back as soon as possible.”

“Thank you”

Marie and Sander get out of the office “You come back home with me?”

“No, I think I’m going to stay here a little more.” He’s a little shy to be honest. He doesn’t know if he can spend time with Robbe while he’s unconscious but…as long as he doesn’t touch him…nothing is wrong.

“Take all the time you need” The truth is, a forever wouldn’t be enough for Sander.

\-----------------------------------------------------

The room is silent, no words are being spoken. Robbe knows it, he can only hear someone’s breathing.

“What am I supposed to do now? Just wait?”

“No Robbe, I told you, I have to show you how amazing life is.” Emma says, she didn’t expect Robbe to be so impatient.

“Then please, start now, you will not convince me” Emma smiles

“We’ll see. Now think about your memories with yellow in it and paint them on this wall.”

“But I can’t paint!”

“Yes, you can! Stop avoiding things. Do it.”

Robbe starts throwing yellow paint on the wall, he instantly gets flashbacks, happy flashbacks. He remembers him coming out to Jens, the warm atmosphere of casa Milan and Zoenne. He then thinks about Senne’s proposal to Zoe, the wedding plan. The nights they spent hanging out, him, lying in Sander’s chest, his hair, his smile. His face, his jaw, the lips he couldn’t stop kissing back then. The eyes that were looking at him so lovingly. He also remembers…

_“I can’t believe they’re getting married before us” Sander pouts and Robbe laughs a little before replying._

_“We already know we’re going to love each other forever; we don’t need to get married now. We have our entire lives to do this.”_

_“Are you being serious?” Sander’s brows are frowned._

_“Of course, why?”_

_Sander smiles “It’s the first time you say this to me, you know. It’s the first time you say you’re going to love me forever” Sander’s smile grows wider and a moment later, Robbe’s lips hit his._

_Sander stops the kiss “No but seriously, we’re getting married, right?” Why is he so worried? Of course, Robbe wants to marry him. The brown-haired chuckles. “What? You don’t want to marry me?”_

_“No! Of course, I want to marry you. It just reminds me of this night, you know, when we were still teenagers, it was the beginning of our relationship and you said the same thing”_

_“I don’t want to talk about that night…”_

_“Why? It was an incredible night” Robbe says confused_

_“Yes, it was, until I… you know”_

_Robbe caresses Sander’s check “It will always be an incredible night, no matter what happened. I learned a new thing about you that night. It was a wonderful night, never doubt this”_

_Sander gives a peck to Robbe’s lips “So, this wedding?”_

_Robbe laughs “Soon, my love. Soon”_

_The dream starts to fade away and Robbe doesn’t want to let go, not this memory, not Sander, not again. But he has to go…_

“No, Emma please take me back!”

“So, now you know that your life is worth living?”

“What? No! Without Sander, living makes no sense! I can’t I can go back” Then, he feels a huge weight on his body “What is it Emma?! What are you doing to me?!”

“Nothing, That’s not me! That’s him! Just listen to the outside world now, please do it”

And with that, Robbe starts hearing this beautiful voice “Do you still love me? I know you left because of me but do you love me? God Robbe, I miss you so much, I’ve never stopped thinking about you… I’m so sorry, everything is my fault. If I hadn’t been in that room with David, I wouldn’t have sent you this message and the car would’ve never hit you… God I’m so sorry I did that to you. I don’t deserve you; I shouldn’t be holding you but I’m scared once you’ll wake up, I won’t be able to do it…”

Robbe wants to talk to him so much, he could scream if it was the only way Sander could hear him. Who’s David? What has David done to make Sander’s self-esteem so low?

\-----------------------------------------------------

Marie wakes up, expecting to find Sander in Robbe’s bedroom, but no, there’s no one. Sander’s stuff is still here so he probably stayed at the clinic. She prepares some food for him and puts it in a bag.

When she open’s the hospital door, the only thing he can think of is ‘Look at these two peaceful faces.’ Sander is sleeping next to Robbe, holding him, his hand. Sander hadn’t looked this reassured since he came to see her, maybe things were actually getting better. Maybe Robbe’s going to wake up one of these days.

She seats in the chair next to the bed and takes out a book she brought here; she’ll wait for Sander to wake up.

\-----------------------------------------------------

The warmth of the sun on his face makes his eyes open, he smiles when he sees Robbe next to him but suddenly realizes he shouldn’t be doing this. He gets out of the bed pretty quickly and almost falls because he’s too tired to walk right now. He jumps I surprise, seeing Marie laughing at him. This is a weird morning, but they laugh together. He missed this, the little moments of happiness with random people, just laughing for nothing and everything.

“Do you want some breakfast?”

“You brought breakfast?

“Of course, I did!”

“Thank you so much, I’m very hungry” Sander says shyly “I- I’m sorry I shouldn’t have stayed here- “

“No, don’t worry. I’m happy you did”

“Why?”

“Because if you feel safer here with my son, then I’m okay with it”

Her reactions are weird but maybe she really wants Sander to be happy. Even it’s really hard to believe.

That day, Sander stays at the hospital, again, and Noor calls him.

“Sander?” She’s so relieved he answered that we can hear it in her voice.

“What do you want?” His tone is kind of cold, because right now, he’s ashamed of the way he reacted last time they called.

“I want to apologize, for everything I kept from you.”

“No, Noor listen, I’m the one who needs to apologize. I fucked up, if Robbe had asked me to keep a secret, I wouldn’t have told anyone, I know no one can refuse him anything.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t make it right, I kept it from you, he could’ve died and- “

“Noor, it’s okay. Trust me.” After that, they talk again about anything and everything but Robbe. Sander doesn’t want to talk about him, he’s okay because Robbe is next to him, he is alive, he’s breathing. And that’s all that matters.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Two weeks have passed and Sander is still here. It’s night time, but he can’t fall asleep, he’s spiraling. Maybe Robbe will never wake up

It’s been two weeks since Emma hasn’t reappeared in Robbe’s mind, is she gone? For real? Or, will she come back?

Robbe searches for her, he calls her name, he screams it. “EMMA WHERE ARE YOU! Help me… I- I can’t breathe” Robbe is now hyperventilating, breathing becomes harder, every second that passes by. The he realizes what’s happening. He’s under water, he cannot find air because, under water, there’s no air.

He hears Emma’s voice once again “Just calm down and wait” Robbe thinks ‘Thank god you’re here but am I supposed to just die here? Is that it?’

Then he feels a hand grab his arm, when he sees his face, he knows where they are, and he dives into the memory.

_“Robbe come what are you doing? Do you even know how to swim?” Sander is smirking, making fun of Robbe in this situation is a pleasure._

_“Fuck you! I bet I can swim better than you, underwater.”_

_“Are you sure? Because from what I’ve seen, you were almost drowning”_

_“Are you challenging me?” Robbe says with a not so serious tone and a bright smile._

_Sander comes closer, he’s infinitely close. If Robbe moves, even just a little, Sander’s lips will touch his “I don’t know, maybe I am?” There’s this intensity, back then, Robbe had never seen, in Sander’s eyes. The one he misses today._

_Robbe understands what is on his mind and leans in to kiss him but no lips are touching his, even if he’s desperately searching for them. He opens his eyes and Sander is not in front of him anymore, he’s underwater. Robbe waits for him to come back to the surface and he doesn’t give him any time to breathe he simply kisses him. Their first kiss. One still remembers perfectly._

The delightful memory starts to fade and Robbe is back in this room. Blue paint appeared one of the walls as well as Emma. “You came back!”

“Of course, you’re not done yet.”

“When will I be? I want to-”

What does Robbe want, does he want to die? Or does he want to try to make things right with Sander? Will Robbe ever wake up? There are so many questions on his mind, it’s wild.

“Robbe it’s great we’re making progress!” As Emma says this, Sander voice starts echoing in the room, he’s talking to Robbe. She nods, allowing Robbe to focus on this broken voice Sander is speaking with.

“You know, I feel so alone. I miss you so much” Sander’s eyes are starting to get watery “We were having so much fun together, before everything. I just-I-I miss you”

Every word Sander says creates a deeper crack in Robbe’s heart. Every tears Robbe feels on his body does too. Sander continues.

“You know it would be so fun if you could just wake up. Don’t you think?” Sander puts Robbe’s hand in his “It would be so, so fun” as he finishes this sentence in a low whisper, he intertwines his fingers with Robbe’s “WAKE UP! GIVE ME A SIGN! I can’t go on like this”

Robbe can definitely tell Sander’s crying. He needs to act “What can I do?!” He asks Emma.

“Think about caressing his hand, think about it, a lot and for real. Think about him with all your love.”

Robbe does as he’s told; he feels his thumb caressing Sander’s hand “Robbe?” Sander’s eyes are wide open, is he dreaming.

Marie opens the door “Sander? Are you okay? I heard you screaming!”

“He- he touched my hand. I’m sure his thumb moved” Sander falls on the floor, it’s too much for him right now. Marie hugs him.

\-----------------------------------------------------

“How did that happen?” Robbe asks “How did I do that?”

“Robbe, when you’re at a certain state, the one where you’re considering going back to your life, your body allows you to interact with people outside. You can only do it once or twice. I have to go; I promise you I’ll come back for the last test. Be ready.”

“Thank you”

\-----------------------------------------------------

A day after what happened, they have an appointment with Robbe’s doctor. Sander loses hope

“Sander, this happens a lot… It doesn’t necessarily mean Robbe is going to wake up soon”

Sander walks out and for the first time in these many weeks, he gets out of the hospital. He goes straight back at Marie’s place and goes in Robbe’s room, grabs one of his shirts and doesn’t move for two entire weeks. He knew he could have a bad episode but this is the most intense he’s ever experienced. With Robbe in the coma, everything that happened with David… David, the only person he wants to talk about this with is Robbe. But he can’t.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Robbe is alone too. For two long weeks, maybe Emma and Sander forgot about him. Maybe they were tired of fighting for and with him. Marie comes quite often but she doesn’t talk. He knows it’s her because she reads out loud. He loves her voice. At least she is here, with him.

\-----------------------------------------------------

On a miracle Friday, Sander now feels completely fine, he rushes to the hospital that night, right before it closes. As he enters the room, Emma enters Robbe’s mind. Before he starts focusing on her, Robbe lets himself feel Sander’s chest against his. He feels his warmth, the one he’d missed so much. He is here. And it’s amazing.

“Emma, I have to ask.” Robbe looks at his feet “What happens to you of I decide to live?”

“I go back up there” she says looking up at what should be the sky of this was a real world.

“But I don’t want to lose you! I want to go back with you!”

“No, you don’t want to do this. You want to be with Sander.”

“Can we hug?”

“Of course.” They hug for the last time maybe not forever but at least for now “I love you.”

“I love you too, thank you for everything.” Robbe smiles and it all starts

_“I’m more of a Bowie fan” Robbe smiles internally, yes Bowie…_

_“Bowie?”_

_Robbe doesn’t want to answer so he starts kissing Noor, he looks over her shoulder, only to see Sander’s hypnotic eyes looking at him like he’s looking at his soul. Robbe feels seen. He asks himself the very question ‘Sander or heaven with Emma?’ and even if it’s the middle of the night, he makes the good choice. Sander, it’ll always be Sander. So, he stops kissing Noor and walks out of the room grabbing Sander’s hand. The two of them go out together because that’s what they’re meant to do since day one._

Before living his mind, Robbe takes a last look at the walls. Sander’s head is painted everywhere. Probably because he’s one of the only things that are keeping him on Earth

Robbe wakes up without making any noise. He doesn’t move. Sander is sleeping on top of him. He spends his whole night playing with his hair, looking at him. After all what happens tomorrow happens tomorrow, he has to appreciate the moment he’s given.

\-----------------------------------------------------

The next morning. Robbe opens his eyes and smiles seeing Sander is still here. He doesn’t even think about the fact that he is now awake, he just cares about Sander, nothing more. He missed him so much before this accident. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. It was but…at least now, Sander was close to him. Robbe kisses Sander head and his eyes fluttered open. A hum comes out of his mouth before he realizes it “R-Robbe?”

/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel?
> 
> I kind of hope this one makes you feel a little better...  
> Thank you so much for reading  
> Please don't hesitate, you can leave comments to tell me how you feel, I love reading your comments☺  
> Love you❤Stay safe
> 
> you can find me on Tumblr @ironymane


	5. Calm down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Okay I'd like to thank everyone who commented on the last chapter because you gave me the will to write this one quite fast🙃 so, thank you  
> I love you all so much!  
> This chapter is longer than usual but I think this is okay with everyone  
> Enjoy❤  
> Also, everything written in italics is a flashback and/or messages❤  
> Thank you for reading, Enjoy!

Chapter 5

“R-Robbe?” Sander jumps out of the bed, he gets his stuff “I’m sorry I shouldn’t be here” He looks at him with sadness in his eyes “I promise you I won’t come back” Sander sights and before Robbe even has the time to answer, he’s already gone.

“Sander!” He tries to go after him but he can’t get out of the room because of his perfusion. And if we think about it, Sander is probably long gone by now.

A doctor enters the room, “Robbe? Don’t move you have to rest. Someone informed us you were awake. Do you know someone we should call?”

“Yes…” He tries to gather his thoughts “Maybe my mom and can you please tell her that I’d like to see Senne and Zoe?” He could wait for Sander, just feeling him in his arms the whole night made everything better.

“Of course!” Doctor Fontaine gets out of the room and calls Marie. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

“Marie? Could you come to the hospital, I have to talk to you”

Marie doesn’t know what to answer, she doesn’t know if this is going to be a good or a bad thing. ‘What could it be?’ she thinks.

When she walks out of the house, he passes by Sander who seems pretty concentrated, she says hi and the two of them part ways.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Sander needs to go back to Chloe’s; he just needs to talk to her and he needs to let Robbe alone. The feeling of guilt for what happened to him is slowly coming back. On the one hand, Sander starts convincing himself that Robbe will never be able to look at him again. On the other hand, he’s still confused about that kiss Robbe left on his head. He can still feel the lips he loves, leaving this little kiss.

Sander hadn’t slept so well in weeks, maybe Robbe was awake all night. Maybe he had the time to think about how disgusting Sander is, sleeping with him without even asking.

“Sander STOP THINKING!” he says holding his head. He has better to do. He needs to go away as soon as possible. He grabs his bag and orders a taxi to drive him to Chloe’s.

\-----------------------------------------------------

When Marie enters Dr. Fontaine’s office, she understands everything. The bright smile on his face is worth a thousand words. “Robbe?” She says with a bright smile.

He stands up and nods. Marie can’t contain herself; she hugs him. “Thank you! THANK YOU SO MUCH!” she kisses the man’s cheek and runs to Robbe’s room.

She opens the door and rushes to the bed where she finds Robbe, arms spread open, ready to give her a hug. This moment is kind of unreal, she’s spent so much time praying for it to happen it almost started to be unimaginable for him to wake up. But now, he’s here. She pulls away to look at him. “Are you for real?”

“Yes, mom! I am.” He says laughing. It’s so good to see her this happy about him coming back. Emma was right, people were waiting for him to come back, his life matters here. Dying would’ve been so selfish. He looks at the sky thinking about her. ‘Thank you’ he knows she’ll hear it, if she listens with her heart.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Sander is right in front of her door, he rings the bell and Chloe opens it “Sand-” She doesn’t even finish her sentence, she automatically pulls him in her arms. “Oh god, I was so worried, where were you? Is Robbe okay?”

Sander sighs “Yes, he’s okay” god even thinking about the fact that he’s okay makes him smile. “I stayed at his mom’s but now that he’s conscious, I have nothing to do there”

“No, Sander. Don’t tell me you two didn’t talk?” She’s kind of mad, he could’ve waited to see if Robbe wanted to see him, Sander didn’t have the right to go away like this. It was not fair to Robbe even though, the one who initially ran away was Robbe.

“No, I didn’t but you don’t know the whole story”

“Tell me then” She opens the door and lets him in, she makes coffee and they settle on the couch, Sander talks about Robbe’s cancer, how guilty he feels. He also says that, this morning he couldn’t face him. It was so sudden, almost unreal. “Wait, you do still love him.”

“Yes” a moment “I never stopped”

“Then take your time, not too much though” She continues “and talk to him”

“Thank you, for listening and for always being so understanding with me” She smiles and the evening goes on.

\-----------------------------------------------------

That afternoon, Zoe and Senne come to the hospital “Robbe!”

“Hey man! How are you?”

“I’m okay, Robbe answers” Zoe looks at him with one of the smiles that Robbe loves the most. The kind of smile kids make when they do something wrong. She hands him a little bag “I made croques for you” Robbe answers “Thank you” With a sad smile he’s trying to hide.

The truth is, he wants to eat Sander’s croques, even if the platinum blonde had taught Zoe how to cook them for when Robbe wasn’t feeling well. Sander’s croques can never be replaced because Sander himself can never be replaced, in Robbe’s heart and mind.

Robbe needs to ask “Has any of you talked to Sander this morning?”

“No, not really but…we talked with Noor and Robbe…He knows” Zoe says quietly

“He knows what? Who told him?”

“He knows for you cancer Robbe…Noor told him and…Jens told all of us.

“God I should’ve remembered he can’t keep secrets!” Robbe blames himself, is this why Sander reacted this way? Robbe wonders what Sander must be thinking. He knows him so well, he knows his self-destructive side, he knows this old habit can come back at any time.

Robbe turns around to look at Senne “I don’t know anything; I think he’s at his sister’s don’t worry about this. He’s going to be alright.” Senne says trying to reassure him.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Two days have passed and Robbe is “healthy enough” to go home. He and his mom are in the car. Marie is happy, without Sander at her place, she felt really lonely. The house was so quiet. It was morbid. But now she’s bringing her amazing kid back home and nothing could make her happier.

She definitely knows something’s off with Robbe, since he talked with Zoe and Senne he’s pretty sad and he doesn’t talk that much. Marie hopes he’s going to get better, it’s unbearable to see him like that.

\-----------------------------------------------------

That afternoon, Marie decides she wants to talk with him. “Robbe?” she enters the room; she hears him sobbing under his pillow “What is it? Talk to me. Please?”

“His scent is everywhere.” It’s the only thing Robbe is able to say. Marie had completely forgotten to change the bedsheets.

“Oh god Robbe! Let me change this” she starts pulling on the covers but Robbe doesn’t let them go.

“No! Please don’t do it…” Robbe instantly gets shy.

Marie sits on the bed and pats his shoulder “You miss him…”

“Yes, you know mom, I miss a lot of people, I miss a lot of things and there’s nothing I can do about it and I’m freaking tired of this. First Sander, I know I lost him forever, after that, I lost Emma and I know she’s there, in my heart. Still, it isn’t enough. These are people I want to see; I want to touch; I want to laugh with and I can’t.”

“Oh Robbe…”

\-----------------------------------------------------

This night is endless for both Robbe and Sander. Robbe thought a lot about doing it today. And if he learned one thing from cancer, it’s that we only live once, and we need to appreciate life and try new things. Take risks, so that’s what he does. He starts typing.

**_Robbe:_ **

_Sander?_

_Are you here?_

Robbe sees “ _typing_ ” appearing on his screen. His heart is racing, is he really answering?

**_Sander:_ **

_Yes._

_Look Robbe…I’m so sorry for this morning. I shouldn’t have slept in your bed_

_I know I fucked up_

_Just please don’t make me feel worse than I already do_

Robbe had guessed right, Sander feels guilty…

**_Robbe:_ **

_No, don’t be_

_I felt safe in your arms…_

Sander, on the other side, doesn’t really understand what’s happening. He only knows he’s talking with the person he loves the most in this world. He doesn’t reply, he has no answers to what Robbe just sent

**_Robbe:_ **

_Just could we meet?_

_Tomorrow?_

‘Is he really saying this? Like for real? Robbe wants to see me?’ Sander doesn’t understand what’s going on…

**_Sander:_ **

_Our park?_

**_Robbe:_ **

_Our park_

Yes, their park

_During last summer, they went to park, they talked they laughed but some people were looking at them with concerned looks._

_“Do you think they’re looking at us because we’re together?” Robbe said, he was a proud man now but he still feared people opinions._

_“No!” Sander shouted while laughing “It’s because it’s a park for kids.”_

_“Ohhh, I didn’t know that. Even if it’s a park for kids, who gave them the right to look at us like this? It’s not like I’m going to be attracted to their children. Like believe me, they’re cute and everything, without mentioning the fact that pedophilia is disgusting, but like, look at what I have in front of me. I couldn’t be attracted to anyone unless you here.”_

_“Oh, Robbe…Are you flirting with me?” Robbe blushes a little_

_He’s about to reply but Sander kisses him, Robbe is surprised he pulls away. “Sander what are you doing there are kids here.”_

_“So, I can’t kiss my lovely boyfriend? This is our place, to hell these kids. If I want to kiss you, I kiss you. From now on, this park is ours, not there’s._

Saying _‘Our’_ feels amazing, there’s this possibility that, maybe, the two of them actually share something.

\-----------------------------------------------------

This morning, Robbe gets out of his room with an unusual smile. His mom notices it as soon as she lifts her head to look at him. “What’s this silly smile?”

Robbe smiles even wider. She knows what this is about? There’s only one person in this world that can make Robbe smile this much.

“So…He agreed to meet with you?”

Robbe chuckles a little and happily nods. “Mom, I need to hurry and go shopping, I want to make an amazing picnic for us.”

His mom smiles at the ‘ _Us_ ’. Robbe is so cute when he’s happy. He starts eating his cereals after a while and when he looks up, his mom is still looking at him, with the ‘I know my son is in love’ smile.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Robbe is on the grass, waiting for Sander. This morning Robbe bought what he could to make croques, he bought Sander’s favorite soda. He even bought Sander’s favorite snack; chocolate covered strawberries.

Everything is set up, the only things that’s missing here is Sander.

\-----------------------------------------------------

When Sander sees Robbe from far away, his hearts stops for a moment. No, he’s not dreaming, Robbe is alive, awake and as beautiful as ever. Sander is scared of what’s going to happen but he has to do it, he’s tired of this huge confusion, he needs answers and he wants Robbe to speak his truths. Sander knows how hard it can be when no one lets you speak for yourself.

He takes a step forward, then another one and another one. Soon enough, he’s in front of Robbe, his big-doe eyes are looking at him with surprise, Robbe was so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t even noticed Sander was here.

“Hi” Robbe exhales while saying this as if seeing Sander allowed him to breathe again.

“Hi” Sander sits next to him, maybe too close to him, but to be honest, is it bothering anyone here? “How have you been-”

Robbe cuts Sander. He gathers all the courage he can find and starts “I missed you. Sander, I know that you know about my cancer and you must be thinking that I left you because I couldn’t “deal” with you and cancer at the same time but it’s far from this.”

Sander is looking intensely into his eyes, Robbe knows him so well its actually kind of scary.

“Sander, I broke up with you because I personally wouldn’t have had the strength to see you die right in front of my eyes if I was in your situation. I wanted to protect you and I know that I fucked up, okay? And then there was that kiss, the last we shared” Robbe pronounced this phrase and looked at Sander’s lips “I held on to it for so long, it was one of the last intense things I’d shared with you. Sander you’re in every single one of my best memories, I miss you like crazy and I love you, even with what you call your ‘flaws’. I love them, I love you-”

Sander only whispers “Take me, kiss me.” And Robbe slowly leans in. Their lips are only millimeters away. They’re finally touching. That’s it, the world around them disappears, the kids’ laughs disappear as well as the parents’ looks. The two of them can only feel the butterflies in their stomach. The kiss lasts several minutes, they need time to connect with each other again, after all.

When they pull away, the two of them are breathless. Neither of them has the strength to open their eyes. Sander finds Robbe’s forehead and kisses it, tenderly. “I missed you so much”

Robbe needs a lot more time to settle. After this forehead kiss and the kiss, they just shared. Just the fact that Sander and him are reunited it’s-

“Robbe! Did you really buy all the things I love?!”

Robbe simply answers “Yeah” Sander kisses him once again and right after it, he picks food up and brings it right into his mouths. Robbe looks at him, he’s like a kid, a kid to whom we bought an ice cream. Sometimes, Sander is the most joyful person on Earth.

\-----------------------------------------------------

It’s the end of the week, the past few days, Sander and Robbe have visited their friends. Everyone was quite surprised to see them together and so in love. When they met with Noor and Jens, their two friends were disgusted because they couldn’t stop kissing or looking at each other with loving eyes. It’s true, they couldn’t stop. They’d spent so many months, days, minutes apart from each other, they’d lost so much time. They wanted to get it all back.

They’ve spent most of their times hanging out at Chloe’s or Marie’s, sometimes the girls couldn’t see their love anymore so they went to the cinema, outside on a bench, in their park…Just spending time with each other was a pure bliss. No one could take that away from them.

Today, they have a kind of family dinner with Chloe and Marie. The two lovers know it’s going to be quite awkward because both of these protective family members have lived the situation threw different perspectives but Sander and Robbe are hopeful.

“So, it’s official now?” Robbe’s mom asks

“What?” the two boys reply at the same time, they look at each other and smile.

“That you’re together again.” Marie clarifies her question, as if it wasn’t obvious.

“I don’t know you tell me” Sander says looking at Robbe “Are we together?”

Robbe leaves a peck on Sander’s lips “Well, I think we are” The brown haired says brightly.

The evening goes on and everyone ends this night with smiles and laughs.

\-----------------------------------------------------

It’s Saturday and Sander has been talking this “little surprise”-as he likes to call it- for the entire week.

He’s booked a table in Robbe’s favorite restaurant. They don’t really care whether they’re in a park or in a restaurant because even the simplest attentions can make them and especially Robbe happy but Sander likes doing this. Tonight, is not a special occasion, he just wants to do something a little more fancy than usual.

Robbe asked him all week about the surprise and thank god he couldn’t today because Sander was at his sister’s. When Sander walks in Robbe’s bedroom with a smirk on his face and says “Ready?”, Robbe instantly stands up and pulls Sander out of his room, with him.

\-----------------------------------------------------

When they arrive, Robbe starts saying “No!” With excitement.

Sander nods “Yes!”. 

“In what honor?”

Sander gets more serious and looks deeply in his eyes “Because I never felt so loved while loving someone so much”

Robbe is quite surprised and doesn’t know how to react. Once he’s back to normal, he takes Sander’s face and brings his lips to his.

They enjoy their night, the two of them are being tipsy. Robbe is making fun of Sander, he’s jealous, the waiter is flirting with his man after all.

“So, are you ready for dessert?” The waiter says, making a wink in Robbe’s direction.

Sander replies “Yes, _my boyfriend_ and I are going to take a chocolate mousse.”

The waiter just says “Right…”

Robbe’s laugh gets so loud. Sander asks “What?”

He answers “You’re so cute when you get jealous” with loving eyes.

“But…HAVE YOU SEEN THAT WINK HE GAVE YOU?!”

“Yes, but I’ve also seen you’re face” he laughs “It’s the only thing I see here.”

\-----------------------------------------------------

When they get back to Robbe’s room, the two of them get this urge to…feel. They need to feel each other’s bodies. They need to feel their soul connect. They share a simple kiss, then another one, and they lose control. Robbe pushes Sander on the bed and starts kissing him, his neck, his jaw.

“Ro-Robbe…stop! STOP!” Sander is breathless, no, he can’t do this. It’s too hard.

“What? Hey” He tries to gently put his hand on Sander’s cheek but Sander gets it away from his face “Hey, calm down, what’s happening?”

“Please get off of me!” Sander feels this stress coming back. All the memories too, it’s like a nightmare. He feels David pressing on him.

Robbe gets off of Sander, he also gets off of the bed. If Sander needs space, that’s what he’s going to give him. “Sander” he whispers “What’s happening?” he pronounces every word with the softest voice Sander has ever heard coming out of his mouth. It makes him relax a little bit.

“It’s-” He sighs. “When you left me, I stayed alone for a long time. And I felt like I could never find anyone, I could never love anyone the way I loved you. I thought no one could love me. So, the first guy that came up to me, flirted with me…his name is David. I didn’t have feelings for him because my heart had disappeared with you Robbe. I refused to have sex with him for weeks, even months and when he got angry, he tried to-” Sander exhales. Robbe is slowly understanding what happened to him. “He tried to force me, that’s when I texted you…” He starts crying.

“Sander” Robbe says “Can I come?” Sander nods and Robbe grabs his hand. He comes closer, little by little. “Can I touch your face?” Sander slightly moves his faces to lean in Robbe’s touch. “Is it alright if I hug you” Sander exhales deeply, accepting Robbe’s embrace. “Do you want to take a shower?” Robbe knows talking about this now isn’t a good idea.

“Only if you come with me…”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, and…thank you, for being patient with me…”

“Hey, it’s normal okay?” Robbe leaves a kiss on his temple and the two of them go to the bathroom.

\-----------------------------------------------------

That night, Robbe hesitates, is it a good idea to cuddle with Sander? But he hears Sander sleepy voice saying “Why are you so far away?”. He smiles for a moment before coming closer to Sander.

\-----------------------------------------------------

They’re woken up by the sunlight on their faces, everything feels so light. The two boys are looking at each other, no words are being said. They only talk with glances because the words they are searching for to describe their love, simply don’t exist. They’re happy. Everything isn’t perfect, they don’t live together, they have to work on traumatizing things that happened to Sander but right now, in this moment; they’re happy. Robbe is holding Sander in his arms

“Sander?” the boy just hums “You know you’re safe with me, right?”

“I love you” He captures his lips. Right now, it’s the only thing he finds the strength to do. Because the world he’s in is so perfect that it seems unreal and he’s scared that, if he moves a little too much, it’s going to explode.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Of course, they take some time to talk about what happened, they talk about Sander insecurities because of everything that’s happened. Their love never stopped and neither it ended but, maybe it’s time to communicate more and change it a little bit. For the better.

Sander never would’ve thought that Robbe and him could find their way back to each other, they seemed so far away from one another. Robbe seemed far away, at least. Sander’s heart always stayed next to Robbe’s. Robbe took it when he left and gave it back to him the moment they exchanged their first new kiss at the park.

\-----------------------------------------------------

A week has probably passed by now, the two boys have the house to themselves. It’s the afternoon, they’re on the bed. Robbe wants to boop his nose so bad. He waits until Sander’s eyes are closed and he does it. “Boop!”

Sander immediately opens his eyes, he exclaims “Robbe! Did you really do this? Are you sure you want to play this game?” Sander grabs a pillow and throws it on Robbe’s face, several times. The only thing we can hear inside the house is Robbe giggling like crazy. Sander then tickles him.

“Stop” Robbe tries to say but he’s laughing so hard it’s quite impossible to pronounce the word so instead, he kisses him and what was supposed to be just a simple kiss turns into a passionate one. Maybe more than this because Robbe shirt is now being taken off as well as Sander’s. When Robbe understands what’s happening, he stops everything. “No Sander…”

“What are you not going to touch me now?”

“It’s not that, you definitely know I want you. I just- I want you to want it too…”

“But I do okay? I do.”

“Promise me you’ll stop if it gets too far for you.”

“I will”

So, they kiss, once again. With tender passion. Robbe asks threw a kiss “Can I kiss your neck?” Sander nods and Robbe does kiss his neck. “Is it okay if I kiss your torso?” Sander nods in agreement. “Can I-”

The bleached blonde boy flips them over and kisses Robbe. After some time, they feel safe enough to continue.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Maybe Sander ended this night in tears. Joyful tears, he’d proved himself that he was the one controlling his body. Maybe David was still here, maybe Sander will never get rid of the terror he’d risen in him but, he was not alone anymore. Maybe, that night they exchanged promises while cuddling in bed, close. They also probably share a thousand I love yous but we’ll never know. Because only them were present in this moment.

After a calm moment, one of them says "Let's move in together, I miss you too much when you're not here with me" 

The other one smiles and they rapidly fall asleep after that

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel?  
> Thank you so much for reading  
> Please don't hesitate, you can leave comments to tell me how you feel, I love reading them and answering as well☺  
> Thank you so much for reading once again, I don't think I'll ever get used to it  
> Love you❤Stay safe
> 
> you can find me on Tumblr @ironymane


	6. Your angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Hihi, sorry this is a late chapter but I still hope you'll enjoy it.   
> I'm kind of asking you something at the end notes so if you want to look at it, feel free☺  
> Enjoy❤  
> Also, everything written in italics is a flashback and/or messages❤  
> Thank you for reading!

When Robbe throws his arm on the bed to get closer to Sander, all he can find beside him is an empty bed. He simultaneously opens his eyes and a shy “Sander” escapes his mouth.

He’s about to stand up when the door opens to reveal his boy, holding a computer. In the room, a sigh of relief can be heard. Sander smiles and starts talking “So, I searched for apartments after what I said last night”

“What? You were serious?” Robbe asks a little surprised. A sudden surprise that worries Sander.

“Weren’t you?” All the self-confidence he had when he entered the room has disappeared.

“No, no, I was. But…I didn’t think you’d remember it”

Sander is now using a more serious tone “Well, dear Robbe, would you like to move in with me?” He takes a step closer at every word he pronounces.

Sander is now next to Robbe so he can see the smile that’s growing on his face “Yes!” His eyes are full of glitter and Sander’s too

“Yes?”

“Yes” Robbe kisses him for so long that they have to pull away to breathe. They’re so out of breath, they laugh but soon enough, the make-out session continues

\-----------------------------------------------------

That same week, they visit an apartment. They fall in love with it. They fall in love because it has sharp edges and beautiful flaws, because it has warm colors and cold lights. They fall in love with it because it’s perfectly imperfect, just like them. It seems as though every wall has a secret to reveal and every corner has a story to unfold. Maybe it’s their story and their secrets that will unfold in this apartment or maybe they will not stay here long enough for it to happen. But what happens tomorrow is not their problem right now. Right now, all they’re able to care about is the actual moment.

And in the actual moment, they’re signing the papers to move in it. They’ve got chance, no one wants that apartment and they loved it the first time they saw it. The owners were okay to rent it to the boys pretty quickly. Everything made sense, for the first time in so long. Everything was meant to be.

During the month that follows, they slowly pack up their stuff at their respective places. Chloe and Marie are sad to see the boys go but at the same time they’re so happy. They’re so happy they get to live a life with each other. Some month ago, it wouldn’t even have been imaginable. One night, Robbe is at Chloe’s place with Sander who isn’t feeling really good. The brown-haired boy thinks he has the flu. Sander’s sister and him make some soup and when Robbe brings to soup next to his bed and tries to kiss him, he’s pulled in Sander’s arms.

“Hey! I didn’t know you still had that much strength!” Robbe laughs a little melting in his loved one’s embrace.

“Robbe, if it’s to hug you, believe me I have all the strength in the world” They stay like this, Robbe on top of Sander who’s holding him, for quite long and when Robbe seats up, Sander does too. As if Robbe had somewhat healed him a little.

\-----------------------------------------------------

They’ve said goodbye to their old rooms. To their family. To their old, dark life. Everything bad is now behind them and they’re ready to start a new life. All the furniture is now set in the apartment, they just have to live. To share new moments and firsts here. To be honest, their first kiss in the apartment is shared as soon as they enter it but there are so many firsts that will be done here. Like the first croques, the first pillow fight and so much more.

\-----------------------------------------------------

“Robbe, come it’s not like I’m going to kill you there…”

“You couldn’t” The boy replies confidently.

Sander fakes a surprised face and pecks his lips “You’re right, I couldn’t.”

Sander wants to camp in the woods. They don’t have a tent, only a blanket and themselves.

They sit on it and watch the sky, silently. Until Robbe asks “If you could bring someone back, who would it be?”

“I don’t really know; I haven’t lost many people. Who would you bring back?”

Then everything goes silent, again. Looking at the sky, he thinks about her. He hasn’t really talked about that subject with Sander but…maybe it’s time to let it out. Once and for all.

“Emma…” He looks up, avoiding Sander’s eyes. He knows he is going to ask a question he hates to answer, even if it brings back happy memories.

“Emma? Who is she? You’ve never talked about her, at least not with me.”

“I- Only my mom knows about her Sander, it’s just a difficult memory. It’s the girl that made my days brighter when I didn’t allow you too. We- we were at the hospital together” Maybe Sander figured it out.

“Oh. And she’s…you know, is she up there?” He says glancing at the sky

“I’m pretty sure she is” Robbe says with a smile “She couldn’t be anywhere else. She was an angel; I would’ve given up my life for her.” He feels a hand caress his cheek. Robbe turns around to look at Sander who smiles sadly.

“Was she as bright as you?”

“I’m only darkness compared to her and trust me she didn’t get to know the happy and joyful Robbe that you know” Because only Sander could make this one real. Emma saw glimpses of him but not his entirety. Maybe if she looks closely enough, she’ll get to see him, through the fog of the clouds that adorn the sky.

They talk a little more about her, they laugh at certain things and maybe they even cry because of some of the words Robbe pronounces.

When it’s time to sleep, the brown-haired boy buries his head in Sander’s neck. Only his face is visible now. Robbe closes his eyes but Sander does not. It hits him, like the first time he saw Robbe in the moonlight. His breath is caught in his throat and the only thing he can do is watch him silently as if he’s waiting for the permission to breathe.

“Stop staring at me” Robbe pouts

“How could I not stare at you…It would be such a waist to not admire your face under this sky full of stars.”

“When did you become a poet?” Robbe asks a little amused

“When I fell in love with you”

Robbe puts his hand on Sander’s mouth to make him stop talking “Stop and sleep!” He says while laughing.

This time, when Sander is finally asleep, Robbe eyes open a little so he can see the peaceful face he loves so much.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Today, after work, Sander is getting a haircut. He hasn’t informed Robbe yet. And he will not. He wants to see his reaction when he gets home, he doesn’t want him to be aware of anything.

He’s been thinking about it for quite a long time. Since Robbe and him are back together, his self-confidence is more important. Maybe, changing his look could make him realize that he doesn’t have to hide under a façade to be loved. That’s what Robbe taught him after all.

When he arrives, he sees a familiar haircut, Noor’s haircut. He chuckles a little, that’s her salon too, obviously it’s the best in the city. She catches his glance and turn around with a huge smile on her face “Hi! What are you doing here?”

“Just came to fix my hair”

“Sander?”

“Yes?”

“You’re a terrible liar” And at that, Sander sighs, heavily

\-----------------------------------------------------

When he opens the door of their apartment, Sander can lightly smell food. He has his beanie on. He enters the kitchen and leaves kisses on Robbe’s neck from behind. A kiss at which Robbe responds with a lingering peck on the lips. Then he asks “Aren’t you feeling hot with this thing on your head?” and as he says it, he pulls it out of Sander’s head. “What-”

Sander laughs and says “SURPRISE!”

“When did you do this?”

“This afternoon after work…Do you like it?”

“Well, it changes and I liked you bleached hair but I love it like that too! It’s so short!” He says going a hand through the little amount of hair left on his lover’s head. “What made you want to do it? What it just an impulse?”

“No, I thought about it quite a long time. Actually, it’s because I want to be self-confident for the good reasons, I want to love every part of me and it is going to be difficult if I can’t even show the world this other side of me.”

“Ohhh, you want to love yourself like I love you, that’s so cute…even though you’ll never love yourself as much as I love you” Robbe says with a huge smile and loving eyes.

“Wait for it” Of course, Sander is making this a competition but whatever, everyone knows he’s going to lose it.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Today, Robbe is going to hang out with Milan, before leaving, he kisses Sander’s forehead and heads to the entry. “So, you’re spending the whole day without me and the only thing get for goodbye is a forehead kiss?” Sander’s joking or perhaps, he isn’t.

Robbe angles his head to the side, looking at him with puppy eyes “You want another kiss?” he says walking towards the boy he loves. Sander nods, and Robbe kisses his cheek. He turns around, chuckling a little.

“Robbe…I wasn’t talking about a kiss on the cheek…” At that, Robbe kiss his neck. The -now- brown haired boy loses patience and takes Robbes face in his hands to kiss him, on the lips. “Have a good day, I miss you already

\-----------------------------------------------------

“How’s it been going with the two of you?” Milan asks, a little curious about what happened.

“It’s pretty- Milan it’s amazing, I feel like I’m leaving in a fairy tale. We talk, we laugh…we love. I just love the bond we share!”

Milan smiles “You seem very happy! I love seeing that!” Milan is a bit lost, between cancer, breakup and coma. Everything makes him a little confused but, as long as Robbe is happy, he is too”

They go in a couple of shops, Robbe doesn’t really like spending money for himself. To be honest, he’s just here to be with Milan. To talk with him and see him, last time they saw each other was 6 month ago and he missed him.

**_Sander:_ **

_Hey, are you enjoying the afternoon?_

_I want to make some lasagnas; do you know when you’ll come home?_

**_Robbe:_ **

_HI! Yes!_

_Oh, looks like we have a chef in the house! I think we’re gonna go to another shop and we’ll be done. Love you_ _😘_

**_Sander:_ **

_Great! Love you too_ _😘_

The next shop they enter in is a music one. They sell record players and vinyls. Robbe wants to buy Sander a little gift. They do that quite often, Robbe buys stuff Sander likes and Sander buys flowers. He buys a lot of flowers. Sunflowers, roses, lilies, sometimes he buys daisies and other times, any type of flower. Robbe loves them all.

Then he finds this weird album with “Limited collection” written on it. It’s a Bowie one. Yes, Bowie, even if the years have passed, Sander is still a huge fan and his love for the artist and his music has not faded away.

Robbe immediately pick it, afraid someone is going to take it before him. Milan makes fun of him for a moment “No one is going to buy this, Robbe. This is not everyone’s preferred music genre you know.”

“I know but imagine if a Sander enters this room-” Milan’s eyes are wide open when Robbe realizes it “There’s only one Sander, you’re right…but Bowie is pretty famous, okay?”

Milan snorts an they go on.

\-----------------------------------------------------

When Robbe gets home, Sander is still cooking. He’s so focused that he doesn’t even realize that Robbe’s here and Robbe loves that, he loves seeing him enjoying so much what he’s doing that he loses himself in it. From behind him, Robbe wraps his arm around his torso and Sander jumps a little at the sudden still so tender touch. He turns around and smiles. He leans in to kiss Robbe but he doesn’t let him do it. Instead, he shows Sander the bag he’s had in his hands since him and Milan entered that shop.

Sander looks at the bag then at Robbe and back at the bag. “For me?”

Robbe nods, proudly. He hands the bag to Sander who grabs and opens it faster than Robbe would’ve expected him to.

“No?!” Sander cannot believe it “Do you know how important this is?” Robbe shrugs as if to say ‘Not really’ “This like very, very rare. There only are 1000 copies in the entire world Robbe! This amazing! Thank you so much!” Robbe can see this excitement he loves in Sander’s eyes. That’s why he loves making surprises, the boy’s always so enthusiastic and happy about every little attention.

After some time, Sander plays the disk and they settle on the couch. They spend the night in each other’s arms, listening to wonderful music. The kind of night we all wish would never end.

\-----------------------------------------------------

One night, when Sander comes back from work, he feels angry. He’s on edge, the day has been quite hard and when he sees the dishes haven’t been washed, his anger increases. “Robbe! It was your turn to do the dishes!”

The boy doesn’t really understand why Sander is reacting like the so, he asks “Why are you angry, it’s just the dishes, no big deal…”

Robbe’s calmness makes him even more angry. _“Just the dishes”_ he imitates

“Wow, stop overreacting, it’s nothing…I’ll do it, it’s okay. No, it’s not” Sander walks out of the room and slams their bedroom door.

\-----------------------------------------------------

That night, when they’re supposed to go to sleep, Robbe stays on the couch.

Sander quickly understands that he’ll not come tonight. He can’t fall asleep, not when he feels so shitty, not when Robbe is mad at him. Even if he hates admitting he’s wrong, Robbe matters more. So, he gets on his feet and walks to the living room where he finds Robbe, eyes opened.

“Robbe?” His face is now more visible. He looks at him right after he hears his name. “I’m sorry, I know it was not justified…I can’t sleep without you…”

Robbe sighs “Me neither…” He stands up, Sander approaches him

“I’m so sorry” Robbe just hugs him and they head to their bedroom together.

After, maybe 3 minutes, the two of them fall asleep, feeling safe and loved. Before sleeping for good, Robbe kisses Sander’s arm as if to say ‘You’re forbidden”.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Since they moved in together, they’ve installed this little routine. Every Friday, before sleeping, they lie down in bed and Sander reads some lines of a book to Robbe. This is a moment _they_ need. To reconnect and mostly to relax.

(passage from “Every breath”-Nicholas Sparks)

_There was something in her voice, a fear he hadn’t expected. “I’m here now” he said, “and I’m not going anywhere.”_

As he’s reading that sentence, Sander shifts his gaze to Robbe. He soon realizes that he’s asleep. He kisses his head and tries to move them into a comfortable position to sleep. Robbe is starting to wake up “It’s okay, go back to sleep”. The younger boy nods and turns around to hug Sander. Nights often end like this one. And for Sander, it’s amazing.

It’s amazing to think about the fact that 4 month ago, Sander was holding a Robbe that could not hug him back. Stuck in his own body. Laying on this hospital bed. Trapped in his head and now? Now, they spent as much time as they could and wanted with each other.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Robbe can sense that the past weeks have been difficult for Sander, mostly because of his work. He loves it, photography is one of his hobbies, it’s probably even one of his passion but…he likes to draw a lot more. It’s been hard, he wants to sell his drawings but he’s not very known for his talent. His friends and family know how talented he is but no one else does.

Sander was never someone who wanted to become famous. He still does not want that, he just longs for recognition. He puts a lot of work in his art and even if he does it willingly, it’s quite hard to accept that no one is interested in what you create.

Robbe understands that and he wants to change his mind. He wants to take him to a place where he’ll be able to draw different types of landscapes without having to drive a lot. Tonight, he books tickets to a special destination. He knows Sander will be pleased to go there. Actually, his parents went there once but he wasn’t with them. He has only seen pictures and it’s become a dream to travel there. Robbe speaks French quite nicely so it’ll be alright.

Robbe fills two suitcases with shorts, swimsuits, T-shirts and they’re good to go. He just waits for his love to come back, in the living room. Two tickets in hand, a bright smile on his face.

He hears the door is being opened. He just can’t wait anymore, he runs to the entry and kisses him, with a force that surprises Sander. It does not bother him, though. Sander grabs his shoulders to stop him “Wow, what is it?” Robbe’s cheek hurt because he’s smiling too much.

“Are you ready to go on an adventure with me?” Sander only hesitates for a minute and says “Always”

They grab their suitcases and get a taxi that brings them to the airport. The older boy couldn’t stop asking about that mysterious trip. “Where are we going? Is there a special reason?”

Robbe only sighed in response.

When Sander finally realizes where they are going, he- he goes crazy. He takes Robbe in his arms. “Please tell me you’re a real person, tell me that you love me because I can’t lose you, I can’t lose someone like you. You- you’re an angel”

Robbe moves his head in disagreement “I’m your angel, because I love you and I’m here with you” Sander is almost crying. Except for Robbe, no one had ever done something like that for him. He brings their foreheads together and with a calm and quite voice says “Thank you so much

\-----------------------------------------------------

That’s it, they’re on their way to Reunion Island. A little part of this world, lost in Indian Ocean.

During the entire flight, Robbe is holding Sander as if his life depends on it. The truth is, he has never taken a plane and this feels impressing. Sander makes fun of him, remembering the first time he traveled. His mom and him were going to Brazil, she was an artist too. She loved painting him in colorful landscapes. They traveled a lot together, that’s how they got this close relationship. When Sander got his diagnostic, they kind of parted ways. She didn’t bring him on trip with her, instead, she brought his dad. He stayed a lot at his sister’s. That’s why they’re so close too. Even if it didn’t happen for the right reasons, Sander is glad he has a sister that loves him as much as she does.

When they land, Robbe breathes again. This was not a short flight, it also seemed longer because of his fear. They get all their bags and that’s it. They can feel the sunlight on their faces and they hot wind caress their skin. “This is amazing.” Sander says, he’s never been so happy. Somewhere he’s wanted to be for so long, with the boy he loves. Life is just amazing.

\-----------------------------------------------------

It’s their first night at the hotel, they spend some time in the pool which reminds them of the one back in Antwerp. They eat at a bar and meet some people. They end the night in their room.

“Let’s watch Titanic” Sander says and Robbe immediately stands up.

“What? I’ve been asking you to watch it for so long and now that I brought you here you want to watch it?” He tries to say it with an angry voice but…he just can’t do that, not when he’s so happy. He seats back on the bed “I should do it more often, so next time we’ll watch Romeo and Juliette”

Sander shushes him “Wow, wait. Dear little Robbe, you’re getting a little too confident” he says joking. “Next time, I’ll be the one taking you on a trip!”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” They look in each other’s eyes, they’re full of promises. They will not betray them this time. “So, should we start the movie? Before I change my mind…”

The movie is actually pretty good and romantic. Robbe’s right, Leonardo DiCaprio is hot, but not that hot. Unless that’s Sander’s jealousy speaking.

\-----------------------------------------------------

They spend an entire day at the beach. Back home, they might have some beaches but, the water is pretty cold, here it’s so easy to get in. Sander is reading on his towel but Robbe screaming his name while playing with some fishes is not the best thing to concentrate. He sighs, gets up. He comes into the water and goes straight to Robbe. He surprises him with tickles “Is that why you called?” Sander says, laughing.

“Stop!” Robbe says, it’s so hard to speak when you’re laughing so much. At some point, Sander stops and just looks at him.

The only thing he can bring himself to think about is how thankful he is for that boy. He’s thankful he came into his life, thankful he came back, too. He had just never felt like that, maybe realizing Robbe had actually noticed he wasn’t feeling that well and trying to do things to make him happy made it all clear in his mind that he had found the love of his life.

No, he already knew it. He just hadn’t acknowledged it. Now that he had, the one thing he wanted to do was kiss him until their lips were completely flushed and red. And, to be honest, Sander didn’t even have the time to lean in, Robbe was already kissing him.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Before sleeping on their first night here, Sander suggested they should go see the volcano and Robbe agreed saying they were here for him.

They’re now surrounded by mountains. There is a weird type of sand there, a black one. Maybe these are pieces of the volcano’s rocks, Sander thinks. This is beautiful, the two of them feel at peace, it’s just what they needed. They walk, for a long time but after that, they’re able to see it all. See the previous eruptions, this big whole on the ground.

Robbe seats in front of this magnificent, almost unreal landscape. And Sander cannot help it. He takes out the sketchbook he brought with him and starts drawing him, and the nature that surrounds him.

He draws until Robbe notices he’s too quiet. “What are you doing?” Sander smiles shyly.

“Drawing memories”

“Stop!” Robbe asks him while walking to him

“But I can’t, you can’t stop drawing your muse. You should know that…” Sander teases

“Your muse, huh?”

Sander kisses him “Yes. My muse”

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel?  
> Thank you so much for reading  
> Please don't hesitate, you can leave comments, I love reading them and answering as well☺  
> Thank you so much for reading once again, I don't think I'll ever get used to it  
> Also, I want the last chapter to make you feel good in some way. Si if you have any idea, request. I'll gladly take them.❤  
> Love you❤Stay safe
> 
> you can find me on Tumblr @ironymane


	7. Unable to look away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Fist of all, thank you so much.  
> For reading the story and supporting me, the comments, the kudos I love to feel kinda validated so....  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH!  
> This is the last chapter and it's an epilogue. I know it's super short but I didn't want to mess up the story by adding too many scenes so there you go  
> Enjoy this last chapter as much as I enjoyed sharing this story with all the sweethearts that you are ❤

**EPILOGUE**

They’re on the plane to get back home and it feels weird and it’s kind of upsetting. It’s always hard to come back to reality after living in paradise for an entire week-end.

Sander enjoys these last moments. Robbe is holding his arm, he’s so close to him. Robbe’s head is resting on Sander’s shoulder, he can feel the warmth of his head. They stay like this during the entirety of the flight, they only pull away when they have to grab their bags and even there, it’s hard to not touch each other. After spending so much time, close to the one you love, doing the right opposite is quite difficult.

\-----------------------------------------------------

When they come back to the apartment, they decide to cook. Sander is good at cooking things, there’s no doubt. Robbe…he’s trying and his cooking skills are getting better but it’s still not very good.

When they start eating what they did, both of them look up with a weird face and they laugh. Sander is a good cook but what he does is not as good at what they’ve eaten the past few days. “I think we’ll have to live with it” Sander continues “Because you’re not better than me”

“Hey!” Robbe says “That’s not true!” Sander angles his head “Well, maybe you have a point”

Sander snorts “Come here” Robbe gets up and seats on his lap.

\-----------------------------------------------------

One day, after work, Robbe has an idea. “Don’t you want to open an art gallery, one where we could meet other artists. People could buy stuff, works you and other artists have made. You could sell things and I could do the administrative part.”

It came out of nowhere; Sander doesn’t really know how to react. It is, indeed, a tempting idea but what if it doesn’t work? What are they going to do? “Robbe, what are you talking about?”

“Both of us are tired of our works. We’re young, not _that_ young but still. I want to meet new people, make new friends. I want to spend as much time as I can with you and that’s a good way.” Robbe sighs “I know you don’t think combining love and work is a good idea but we’re literally not able to live without each other. I also know that selling your work is one of your dreams, I just want to help you achieve the thing you want. I want you to be happy and you’re clearly not with what you’re doing nor am I.”

Sander just doesn’t know how to answer all of this.

“So, what do you say?” Robbe asks shily

“I don’t know, are you sure you want to risk it all?”

“With you, I’d risk anything. I mean, we’ve never been sure of anything, we’ve done things and we didn’t know how they would turn out. I guess doing things because we want and not because we can has always worked for us.” Robbe grabs Sander’s hands “So, do you want to live your dream?”

Sander thinks a little before answering, he then shrugs “Yeah”

“Wait, what did you say?”

“Yeah!”

\-----------------------------------------------------

Today, the boys decided they would hang out with the Broerrrs. They need time for themselves and hanging out with friends is a pretty relaxing thing to do.

“No, Jens I can run faster than you!” Mojo said

“Are you sure? Because I’m the faster one here” Aaron said

“Guys, calm down!” Sander said trying to relax everyone here before adding “We all know I run pretty fast” Then Robbe pushed him a little

“Boys, let’s do a race because I don’t know if any of you remembers but when I found Sander, I had never run that fast and I’m pretty sure you haven’t either.”

They all get up, thinking they will win. For Robbe, this race feels symbolic. You know, they’re all running together. This kind of immature attitude that reminds him of how they were in high school. So much happened since they graduated. But, on the inside, they still have that playful way of living and acting even when they’re racing to live their lives. Even when they’re trying to save time and escape the future for a little instant.

We’ll never know who truly won this race because Aaron fell and Mojo cheated, it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter because they all end up laughing on the ground, with Aaron.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Today is a big day for their friends, and for them. It’s Zoe and Senne’s wedding. Robbe is Senne’s marriage witness. He wanted it to be him because, who else could do this “job”? They are so close, Senne has become his dad’s figure. Robbe always asks him for advices and they simply talk a lot about their lives.

Zoe, on the other hand has chosen Milan. She knows he would’ve been hurt if it hadn’t been him. Zoe also chose him because it’s her best friend and she trusts him so much; she knows how strong their friendship is.

At home, the two lovers get in their suits, maybe they stare at each other for a little too long before heading to the wedding. But who could blame them?

\-----------------------------------------------------

They are greeted by Senne who has a huge smile on his face. He already has tears in his eyes, it’s going to be a good day. Sander hugs him “I’m so happy for you men”

“Thank you” Senne hadn’t realize it before but “Sander! What have you done to your hair, I thought we would have two bleached blondes today. And we only got one?!”

“Yeah, I didn’t want my hair to be brighter than hers on her wedding you know…” Sander jokes

\-----------------------------------------------------

When she enters, everyone turns around. It gives Senne the time to tear up a little bit. Once their eyes meet, everything in the room disappears. Her gaze never leaves him and neither does his gaze leave hers.

When the vows are pronounced, Sander finds himself looking at Robbe. Is this what he wants? Maybe living without him for so long has made Sander realize-

Then he sees it, Robbe is looking right back it him and who know? Maybe that’s what he wants too?

They’ll discover the answer, when time comes. Right now, they need to appreciate the moment.

And that’s what they’re doing while staring at each other’s now teary eyes, unable to look away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it...  
> It's time to let them live their lives. There will probably be times harder then others, but they'll get through it❤  
> Thank you so much for reading I just love you all so, SO much  
> Also, you don't have to answer but I have 2 prompts for (maybe) next stories.  
> 1- Time travel fic  
> 2- The fic where Robbe or Sander is homeless and the other one is a horrible person that ends up being a sweetheart  
> Which one do you like the most/would you like to read?  
> Also don't hesitate on leaving comments, even if it's not about what I said earlier
> 
> Love you❤Stay safe
> 
> you can find me on Tumblr @ironymane


End file.
